Jul 15 2011

*insert some witty shit here*

randomnonsense

It just took me an hour and a half to come up with that title and you can feel free to agree or not, but I think it’s pure genius.  It allows the reader (that would be you) to become personally involved with the blog.  The title is as funny or as controversial or perverted as you want.  Personally, I’m going with perverted, but that’s just how I roll.  I’ve been just a tad distracted today.

My mind has been all over the place today so I thought I’d just share some random thoughts that I’ve had throughout the course of the day.  My head is a strange place and often follows no logical path.  Enjoy the trip . . . .

  • The padded headboard was invented by a woman.
  • If you Google yourself and you are no longer surprised that the first five pages are all stuff you’ve written that you’ve long since forgotten about, you’ve Googled yourself too much.
  • Spell check doesn’t like the word “Googled” even though it’s a perfectly acceptable verb.
  • I think I have Multiple Personality Disorder and all my identities have named themselves Eric just to be dicks.
  • Applying all forms of law to hookers and porn is a valid and proven technique to study for the bar exam.  (You’re welcome Dee.  Glad I could help.)
  • I am proud that I have developed such a reputation that people send me pictures like this just to see what I’m going to say:

    No, I really don’t want to know what this was doing in your “garden”.

  • I am craving crab legs dripping with butter.
  • My Facebook profile shows my political views as “Apathetic”.  I think this should mean that people that make political wall posts should automatically be invisible to me.
  • Is it still “breaking and entering” if I open the door with a key and shuffle what I want to me with a stick without going inside?
  • Instead of being worried, I am incredibly proud that my cousin’s 13 year old daughter dreams only of being a US Marine and serving in a combat situation.  (Give ’em hell, Emily!)
  • Nothing would amuse me more than to see a group that has no respect for women get their asses kicked by a bunch of women.
  • I want to smack the WalMart guy that decided that the exit should be on the right and the entrance on the left.
  • When I was a kid, my mother taught me to look both ways before crossing the street.  Who at WalMart decided to change the rules and put up stop signs for the cars so people could dart blindly out the door into traffic?
  • I would not mind living in Texas.  After living through Michigan winters, it would be a relief.
  • I am “sleeping ambidextrous”.  I can sleep on either side.  When I sleep.
  • What if Craigslist got it’s own cable TV channel?  MOST EPIC PERSONAL ADS EVER!  (This is a blog post in and of itself!)
  • Why is there a Hell, Michigan and a Coldwater, Texas?
  • On that note, is Hell really a viable threat to someone who fears freezing to death?
  • If the last time you saw a Grade “A” was when you bought a carton of eggs, maybe school isn’t your kids “thing”.
  • Your “Back Off” bumper sticker will disintegrate on impact.
  • Why do we drive on the right and put our steering wheels on the left in the US and the opposite in the UK?  Is putting us closer to the point of head-on impact supposed to scare us straight?

Short and sweet tonight, folks.  It’s been a long couple weeks and it may be time to take a day or two off to recharge.  Look for the return of the funneh on Monday morning!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

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Favorite Facebook post of the day:

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2011/07/insert-some-witty-shit-here/

4 comments

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    • D on July 15, 2011 at 7:21 am
    • Reply

    Walmart is the last place you want to make the patrons think about how to even enter & exit the building. We’re lucky if they remembered to put pants on.

    1. lol, and here I thought you would be all over the CraigslistTV!

    • Colin on July 15, 2011 at 1:45 pm
    • Reply

    Does your niece or cousin know that females aren’t aloud in combat MOS’s?

    1. Yes she does and she’s already figured her way around it. She won’t be infantry, but she will be in combat zones.

      She’ll also kick your Army ass. 😛

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