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Jul 03 2011

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Will Smith is a Federal Holiday

independence-day-2-sequel

Thank you!  All of you, who in the last couple of days have made my life complete by reading and passing around my last couple of posts on the Craigslist phenomenon.  This blog has been here for only a week and most of these things get off to a slow start, but those two posts quadrupled my followers in just a matter of less than 36 hours.  I have something I didn’t think I’d have this soon . . . readers that I don’t know!  My friends have passed this on to their friends and so on.  The seed has been planted and for that I am grateful.  Most importantly, thank you to my dear friend D.  Without you, that level of funny just wouldn’t have been possible.

On that note, I regret to say that the Craigslist Personals Social Experiment is on temporary hold.  Despite D is for Deviant’s best efforts, Craigslist just won’t post the ad that I have so desperately tried to get on there.  In addition, D’s ad was finally flagged and removed this morning.  For those of you that know anything at all about Craigslist, they don’t tell you why, they just do it.  It went down with this text from D:

“I got 84 responses, none of which interested me.  It’s a sea of losers and I’m just trying to keep my feet dry.”

We’ll not give up hope on the project.  It will be back, don’t you worry.  At the moment, Craigslist just hates us.  We were probably asking for it.

So we’ll move on for now and pick up on some different stuff.  Tomorrow is a holiday so I’ll commence with an obligatory July 4th post.

Put “Independence Day” into Google and see what you get.  Our 235 year strong, National holiday is not first on the list.  Will Smith is, West Philadelphia born and raised, on the playground was where he spent most of his days.  At least Philadelphia is in there somewhere, so it’s just as good, because you know where the Declaration of Independence was signed?

At the bottom.

This may just be a result of the aging process, but the holiday just doesn’t hold my attention anymore.  Most holidays don’t hold my attention anymore.  I have yet to determine whether or not this correlates with my having quit drinking quite a while back.  It seems to be a reasonable conclusion.  If I’m not drunk, watching your cousin, Bucky, shoot bottle rockets out of his ass isn’t nearly as hysterical.

Ok, I lied.  Drunk or not, that shit is hilarious.  Especially when he burns his balls.

This year I’m going to celebrate by pretty much doing nothing.  I will look for Law & Order reruns on cable, or catch up with some Swamp People because they finally put the first season on Netflix and I didn’t see it because I didn’t have cable at the time.  (Troy inspires me.)  I’ll drink too much soda and I’ll probably write another blog post.  Hell of a patriot I am, huh?  I served in this countries fine United States Marine Corps and defended my right as well as that of everyone else to practice complete apathy whenever we want.  I’ll give you all a minute to ponder that twisted pile of anti-patriotic rationalization.

*scratch*  *fart*  *yawn*

Ok, that’s enough.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m as patriotic as the next guy.  I am proud of this country and am honored to have served it with such an elite group of men and women.  The events of 09/11 piss me off and people that live here while simultaneously bashing this place annoy the crap out of me.  If you don’t like it here, go to Iraq or Afghanistan and stand in front of our weapons and tell us to get the fuck out.  Believe me, for every one of those soldiers, that is all they’ve been trying to do since they got there.  I celebrate my country and show my appreciation for it regularly.  Look at every paycheck stub I’ve ever had.  My appreciation appears on every one of them, whether I want it to or not, so I’m not going out to celebrate the birth of this nation.  Let’s be fair, in all of my 42 birthdays, my nation has not once sent me jack shit.  Not even a card.

I did get a thank you card from the White House for my dedicated service in direct support of the President.  I’ll give them that.  *scratch*  *fart*  *yawn*

There are a lot of historical reasons that we celebrate July 4th the way we do, but I have some ideas of my own on that.  July 4th, coincidentally enough, is 175 days from January 1st.  The reason this is important is that this would put us within one week of being exactly halfway to the next January 1st.  What we have done is evenly spaced the times during the year that we get drunk and blow shit up.  About the time that the memory of the hangover has faded and the people at the office have stopped talking about the YouTube video, we turn around and do it again.  That’s what freedom is all about, kids!

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

. . . and to get drunk and blow shit up.

I may go somewhere tomorrow and enjoy a barbecue and maybe take in some fireworks.  I’ll not be a total wet blanket if an invitation presents itself, and I’ll display the required amount of patriotism.  I hope during your celebration you remember all the real reasons for this holiday.  Especially you other bloggers out there that are checking this out.  We get on here everyday and talk about whatever we want, whenever we want in whatever tone we want.  We can do that because of the country we live in and the people that have kept it that way.  Take a moment to remember those kids that are overseas at this very moment while you enjoy your summer party.

One of the privileges of being a Marine is that I think about those men and women every single day.  I don’t need a long weekend in July to remind me.

USA, Bitches!!

Now I’m off to wander the streets of this small town in the mountains, because one of these Hillbillies has got to have a cousin Bucky.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2011/07/will-smith-is-a-federal-holiday/

8 comments

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  1. D

    Can I just say, I think Will Smith SHOULD be a federal holiday. Last week a coworker came into my office to speak with my officemate. He was all business because they had been working for weeks trying to solve a problem. He said in a very exaspirated voice, “Ok, here’s the situation.” Being the consummate professional that I am, I bust out my best white girl rap, “My parents went away on a weeks vacation.” The tension was broken & all was happy. So thanks to Will Smith (& DJ Jazzy Jeff), I had a happy office again.

    Seriously, from the bottom of my cold black heart, thank you dearly for your service that allows me to have a job, vote, speak my opinion, etc even though I have breasts. I wouldn’t go over well in Afghanistan.

    1. opticynicism

      I think they’d LOVE you in Afghanistan, D!

  2. Zippy

    And the funny thing also, is your quote ends with another movie he was in. “The pursuit of Happiness.”
    So really, it should be a holiday. 😀

    1. opticynicism

      You scare me, Tom. Let me also point out (just in case this got past you), that isn’t my quote. It is from the Declaration of Independence. Or a Hallmark card, I forget which. Point is, it isn’t mine.

  3. Zippy

    lol, I know what its from, but it was the only quote on the page so it was easier to describe it that way. 😛

  4. Zippy

    I know what its from because (keeping with the movie theme of this topic) I did see the movie National Treasure where they steal said Hallmark card. :p

  5. edenseats

    I’m just waiting for Willow Smith to get with DJ Jazzy Jeff’s kid…

  6. Colin

    Hooah!! 2nd Ranger Battalion Afghanistan bound for 18 months in November hooah!!!

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