Aug 10 2011

Don’t hate the internet because of a few 100 million bad eggs

Creepy speedo guy with guns

Rightfully so, we spend a lot of time and caution teaching our kids to be careful on the internet, and a lot of parents don’t let their kids on it at all.  It is certainly filled with a metric shit-ton of horrible things we don’t want them to see or gain access to.  There are pedophiles and stalkers and burglars scouting places to rob homes.  That is on the more harsh end of the spectrum.  On the other end you have spammers and hackers and people that steal your credit card number.  The internet certainly has its creepy alleys in the red light district of the planet.

But that isn’t what this is about.  This is about the other side.

Over the past 10 years or so of my internet experiences, I’ve met I don’t even know how many people.  Let me define “internet experiences” as websites, forums, blogs and chat rooms.  This also extends to media such as Xbox Live and The Playstation Network as I spend a reasonable amount of time there as well, time that has significantly decreased since I decided to take on a blog.  I’ve made friends on Xbox Live that will last a lifetime and several of those friends have indeed become best friends that I’ve even traveled the country to meet and hang with face to face.

Meeting people online, no matter through what source you choose, gives us an opportunity that you don’t often get face to face.  You learn about them.  You hear about different jobs and cultures and lifestyles that you wouldn’t from people that live in your same town.  Sure, you could travel and visit other places, but it’s expensive and it’s not just something you can do at the end of the day to wind down.

I’ve spent time with my friends online when I’ve had totally shitty events happen in my life and some of them have been there for me to lift my spirits, put some laughter in my day and just generally make me put things into perspective.

Today wasn’t a bad day, but I hopped on the Xbox tonight to chat with a couple of my friends and catch what was going on.  There was Tom, up in Vermont, who I caught while he was posting pics on Facebook of his visit this past weekend with another friend of ours, Nick, over in New York.  Our friend Paul, down in Texas was on with us as well.  Tom and I have been playing games and hanging out online for about 6 years now.  A couple of years ago, I went up to Vermont to surprise him for his birthday and Nick drove up to join us.  It was the first time we’d ever met in person and we had one HELL of a weekend that I’ll never forget.

The look on Tom’s face as we met him for the first time by surprise on his birthday. Yes, he turned 30 that day, and yes, he had his surprise birthday party at a Pizza/PuttPutt Golf/Laser Tag place. He swears it was so his 6 year old daughter would enjoy it. He also only eats pizza, hot dogs and mac ‘n cheese. You do the math.

Tonight was just a casual night hanging out and none of us were even playing the same game.  In fact, I wasn’t playing anything at all.  I was on my laptop and was just on there talking to them.  It is these evenings that random hilarity occurs.

Tom:  “Dudes, seriously, you gotta try this demo!  This game is awesome!”

Me:  “It’s which one?”

Tom:  “Oooooooh, my Goooood!  Wooooooooooooooow! Holy shit!”

Me:  “Driver:  San Francisco . . . Tom, is that it?!”

Tom:  “Ooooooh, man!  That was SWEET!  Yeah, man sorry, San Francisco, that’s the one.  I just had to grab some tissues and do some cleaning up over here.”

*laughter*

Paul:  “Dude, seriously.  Is that why my ear is all sticky now?”

*more laughter*

Paul:  “Hey Tom!”

Tom:  *still laughing*  “Yeah?”

Paul:  “You been eatin’ strawberries, man?”

I. Could. Not. Breath.  I had to put my laptop down and was twitching on the couch with tears rolling down my face.  It was one of those laughs that is so intense there is no sound, just occasional gasps for air.  This, of course, spread like a virus and Tom and Paul were laughing as well.  My son, Tiger, who was just sitting in another chair watching television and wasn’t privy to the conversation was laughing and he had no idea what was going on.

It was probably a full 3 minutes before I could finally gasp out, “Paul, you are so fucking WRONG!”

It is these random moments of sheer hilarity, no matter how stupid or juvenile, that can drop an entire days stress in a matter of seconds and one of the many reasons I love to hang out with these guys.

So tonight, in honor of the fantastic people I’ve run across on the internet, I’m gonna share some blog and general internet love for some of the people I’ve come across just since starting this blog.  Please visit the ones you can visit and comment on their stuff and pass it around.  I click through them all every day and they restore my hope that I am not alone in my insanity.

BLOG LOVE

The Bloggess – The single reason I decided to start this blogging thing to begin with.  Jenny’s view on life is twisted, neurotic and so brilliantly hilarious that once you’ve found her blog, you can’t help but bookmark it and check it every hour for something new, and if you’re not following her on Twitter, then you don’t have Twitter.  She is an absolute master of the one-liners!  If I get to pick one celebrity that I get to meet in my life, it’s Jenny.  Unfortunately she will probably be hiding in the bathroom at the time.  I swear I will not post another link to her giant metal chicken.  Oops.  Sorry.  Also, check out her monkey.  No, that is not a euphemism.

Oh Noa – She’s rude, crude and mean as a snake.  And adorable.  I’d fly down there and pinch her cheeks if I could.  She’d stab me, but I’d thank her for the honor.  Noa is definitely in a class of her own when it comes to pointing out the painfully stupid in life and she’ll have you laughing at yourself, the world and everything in it before it’s over.  She doesn’t laugh with you, she laughs AT you, and for some fucking reason, you like it.  I think it’s all a front, because I’ve noticed that she replies to every single comment that people make on her blog and sometimes there can be a whole damn lot of them.  For that she has my respect, because it shows how much she really respects and appreciates her readers.  Check out the bullshit she has learned.

Magneto Bold Too – Pretty much my blogging hero.  Kelley’s tales of life with a special needs child, while also recovering from a serious medical incident that affected her in tremendous ways just convince me even more that she is indeed super-human.  She keeps it real and keeps it funny and she is also at the top of the list for Twitter one-liners.  Australia is damn lucky to have her.  Read her now.  Read her every day.  I hope you like the word “fuck”.  Don’t steal her chocolate.

Wait In The Van – Yet another fabulous mother, wife and pet owner that I check for every day, Kristine is further proof that social anxiety loves company.  She’s also hilarious, intelligent and pretty damned gorgeous to boot.  And she does a wicked Hillshire Farms commercial!

Telling Dad – The one and only other dude blogger I have on here at the moment, Greg’s work is every bit as funny as anything else I’ve read and his daily observations and travels with his wife, little girl and dogs are delivered with style and class.  He keeps his work as clean as you can get as the worst profanity you’ll find on his blog is “Fuzzle”, a much wiser choice than “Fluffer” I imagine.  Brave indeed, in this world of women that cuss like sailors that we’ve found ourselves in.  But we know he’s brave . . . he posted a pic of his wife with her head in the toilet after a particularly festive wedding.  And he’s still alive . . . and still married.

Tazer Warrior Princess – Just ran across Tazer not too long ago and have had a blast reading her posts.  She’s as socially unacceptable as anyone I’ve found on here and that’s what makes her so awesome!  I’m really looking forward to our upcoming “competition” where I’m going to join her (sort of) in her weekly feature, “Fuck You Friday”.  We’ll be seeing who can make the most fuck-filled post of the day (sounds even more wrong than it was intended) and presenting it to Kelley of Magneto Bold Too, because well, who else would be the better judge?  Tazer would be awesome to hang out with, but she should never, ever have children.

OTHER THAN BLOG LOVE

To some of my other awesome peeps I have met over the years who may or may not have websites, etc (I’ll link if they do):

[* indicates link is to Xbox Live Gamertag if you’re into that sorta thing]
  • *Tom – King of the ambush one-liner, drink carefully around him.
  • *Nick – Party with him, he will hump your leg, but still party with him.
  • *Paul – Nicest guy in Texas, but don’t ask him to give you a boobie flash.
  • *Wes – My text messages will never be the same.
  • Darren – Hire him!  Immediately!  He does graphics and you will love them.
  • *Colin – Token Puerto Rican.  Bitch will steal your hubcaps.
  • *Chris – Fellow writer, gamer and the poor bastard has to live in DC.
  • *Scott – Taught me how to speak Scottish, because he lives in Scotland and all.
  • Brenda (Tom’s Mom) – Spawned Tom, so we feel for her.

. . . and of course, let’s not forget all the old friends from back in the day I’ve been able to get reacquainted with because of the internet, many of which have participated in this blog with me and supported me as I have moved along with it.

————————————————————-

Facebook post of the day:

Thanks, D! You make my life so easy.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2011/08/dont-hate-the-internet-because-of-a-few-100-million-bad-eggs/

9 comments

Skip to comment form

    • Zippy on August 10, 2011 at 4:20 pm
    • Reply

    Bravo man, bravo. And OMG was that some funny stuff last night or what. God we are a twisted bunch of weirdo’s and its awesome. lol
    This showed a more serious side to the man known as Eric. And even the serious side is still a funny dude.

    1. Sometimes you just gotta write from the heart and be serious . . . now I gotta rep to maintain, so never bring it up again or I’ll stab you.

      1. Tom….need more strawberries.

        1. You scare me, Paul.

  1. Well may I say your corner of the universe is a fantastic find as well! The internet is a big scary place til you find your little niche in the corner of all the chaos. 🙂

    1. Well, I’ll attack from the East, you hit it from the West and we’ll take the country by storm!

      Texas is gonna be a tough one to beat.

      1. yes it is cause it’s TO FUCKING HOOOTTTTTT!!!!!!!

        1. Not really what I was thinking, Paul, but we’ll go with that.

          1. Eh, we’ll get Jenny to help us with that pesky Texas problem. How could we NOT win with Beyonce on our side?!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

%d bloggers like this: