Settle down, folks. It’s just a little breezy.
I’m getting a little tired of the hype over this thing. We’ve been through dozens of hurricanes and come out on the other side just a little bit wet. Sure, sometimes they are are pretty severe and they do a lot of damage, but the fact of the matter is, they aren’t going anywhere. There will always be hurricanes, and if we were really all that worried about the long term effect they have on our lives, Kansas and Nebraska would be seriously fucking over-populated.
Before everyone gets all “but Eric, have you forgotten about Katrina?! Or Fran, or Ike or . . . or or or . . .”, no, I have not. I’m really not talking about the storms themselves and the damage they can cause. I’m talking about the hype they get on the news. For the last 4 days I’ve been hearing about Irene and the storm to end all storms and that everyone from here to Nevada should evacuate. I’m serious, news media, settle down! At the very least, let’s at least have panic attacks in chronological order.
I’m watching the news and the Weather Channel and I keep seeing the same thing over and over again. “Mass transit shutting down in New York”, “Massive evacuations in New York and Rhode Island”, “State of emergency declared for New York City”.
You know, I’m glad New York is getting ready, but I have some friends down in Wilmington, NC, a town I used to live in myself, that at this very moment are watching The Weather Channel going, “Good for New York, but HELLO??!!” Ok, so maybe they aren’t watching it because their power is already out, so they are probably drunk now. I’m glad my friends keep a good attitude about these things, because we’ve been through it before.and we’re kind of over it.
A good comparison in our attitude about it was perfectly demonstrated earlier in the week, when we had a 5.9 magnitude earthquake in Northern Virginia. CNN and every news station in sight lit up like the world was coming to an end, federal buildings were evacuated, cell phone services got locked up and we were warned of aftershocks and Washington DC sliding off the continent (a bonus, really) and how the Washington Monument was actually tilting (oh yeah, Fox News actually reported that shit with a straight face).
. . . and the entire state of California collectively yelled, “Shut the fuck up, you whiny bitches!”
We’re kind of the same way with hurricanes over here. If you want to run to the store and get some milk and bread just before the storm hits, feel free, you can get all you want. If you want beer, you may want to get there early. Like last Thursday, early. Allow me to demonstrate the attitudes by sharing some Facebook posts off of my own personal wall, ALL of these people are friends of mine that live in and around Raleigh, NC and are just a couple of hours from being in the middle of the storm:
Again, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we don’t care about New York, but we do have some memories of hurricanes past and there are some things we’ve come to recognize because of the history and reasons we’re pretty much not taking the New York panic very seriously right now.
- Hurricanes are unpredictable, which kind of make the “predicted path” maps sort of a joke.
- Hurricanes LOVE Wilmington, NC and Charleston, SC. They are drawn to those cities like a tornado to a mobile home.
- Hurricanes that make landfall in those two places have historically done one of two things, a) take a hard left upon impact with land and head inland or b) bounce and head back out to sea and peter out.
- The ones that do manage to follow the coast tend to disintegrate into a tropical depression long before it reaches New York.
I am not a meteorologist and like I just said, these things can’t be predicted, I’m just letting you know the history. So you weather geeks that want to write in and tell me off, please join the guy I’m watching on the Weather Channel right at this moment who is literally having a seizure about the fact that there are now tornado warnings in effect and *GASP*, THEY ARE A RESULT OF THE HURRICANE!
No shit, Sherlock.
This storm is all we’ve heard about all day, and at this point, I’m kind of glad it’s here so I can just stare in wonder at it out the window. For those of you that have never been in one, it is quite a sight to behold. It is the biggest, most powerful thing you will ever see. I actually stayed in town for a hurricane that once struck in Wilmington. It gets darker than you could ever imagine it being in the middle of the day. You can see the windows in your house bend with the force of the suction and you can watch all your shit fly away at 100 miles an hour. You can feel the roof of your house actually lift up from the walls. Then the eye will pass over and everything will get eerily quiet and you can actually walk out into the yard into the sunshine and there isn’t so much as a breeze, but be warned that all is not as peaceful as it seems.
Because all your shit is coming back at 100 miles an hour in a minute. You may want to go back in the house.
Before I go, let me pass this on to all my friends down in Raleigh, some advice I got today . . .
North Carolina Hurricane Survival Kit
- Toilet paper
- Marlboro Lights
- and some Vodka
- and don’t forget Vodka
Good luck my drunken friends! Give me a call tomorrow and let me know you’re alright!
Facebook post of the day: