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Aug 26 2014

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Jackshit Tuesday, Like Jackshit Monday without snakes

nosnakes

I had to add the “without snakes” disclaimer for my loyal reader Teri because apparently I have to do that now.  Particularly after the comment she left on yesterdays post.  For those of you that missed it, it was something like:

“Where was the fucking WARNING “picture of SNAKE coming up” holy crap dude!”

Ok, it wasn’t something like that . . . it was exactly like that because I copied and pasted.

So I’ll begin today with the “Teri Disclaimer”.  Teri, this post contains no:

  • Pictures of snakes
  • Pictures of bugs
  • Pictures of clowns
  • Pictures of penises
  • Pictures of clowns penises
  • References to sexually transmitted diseases
  • Any other weird shit that gives you nightmares (probably)

Ok, now that we have that out of the way, I can get on with this . . .

I have to say that yesterday was a most productive day as far as the networking went, particularly through the Twitter end of the deal.  You may, or may not have noticed that there are quite a few new blogs listed in the sidebar and I had the pleasure of exchanging some most pleasant Tweets with MOST of them last night.  One of them doesn’t have a Twitter account (that I can find anyway, since it isn’t shown on her blog).  So first, let me lay out the props to the new and funny ladies that got added today.  I highly encourage all of you to check out their stuff as they are all quite creative and funny.

First I’ll re-mention @KateWhineHall even though I mentioned her yesterday already, because she’s fuckin’ awesome and she friended me on Facebook and shit and she’s pretty hilarious all the time and not just in her blog, Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine, which is also hilarious.

Now for the even newer ones that I’ve put up last night and today, check out all of these because they are all hilarious!

@FoxyWinePocket has a really nice looking blog which is also funny as hell.  Check her out at Foxy Wine Pocket.  Also couldn’t let this awesome Tweet exchange go by without sharing it:

fwphonor

fwpxoxo

So as you can see, she’s awesome so go visit her blog.

@FullMetalMommy is also another hilarious blog too funny to miss, so please go check her out as well at Full Metal Mommy.

I’ve actually had her in the sidebar for a while but I’ve neglected to give her the proper props in a post yet, so definitely check out @mommywantsvodka at her amazing blog, Mommy Wants Vodka.

@Momopolize has some great, funny stories, usually about her kids, thus the name Momopolize.  Give her a visit and some love.

I swear I went to hell and back to find the Twitter account for @RageMichelle because I couldn’t for the life of me find a link to it on her blog.  That missing information not withstanding, the blog is awesome, funny, sometimes serious and she has some issues that I can relate to.  Please visit her blog at Rubber Shoes In Hell.

No parent ever should miss out on Scary Mommy!  This blog is awesome and funny in so many ways that I’d have to make a post alone to describe it.  Follow @ScaryMommy on Twitter too!

Darcy won my heart over with the very first post I saw on her blog, I Do NOT Want My Nipples There, Please. So give her a follow on Twitter @SoThenStories and subscribe to her blog, So Then . . . Stories.

And finally, at least for today, I got a great big kick out of reading Lynn’s work on her blog, The Nomad Mom Diary.  She’s a Mississipian (sp?) now living and raising her children in Oxford, England and she has a brilliant sense of humor.  You can follow her on Twitter as well, @NomadMomDiary.

The tweets and retweets come in fast and furiously sometimes and it gets a little hard to keep track of.

Particularly because I’ve reached the point of counting how many Valium I have left so I can try not to run out before they can give me anything else.  If there is anyone I’ve left out, feel free to write me and give me an ass chewing.  There are so many great people out there and so many great blogs, I’m sure that sidebar list is going to get quite full in a very short time.  I’m sharing the love and I know they are too (CommentLuv is the GREATEST blog tool ever invented!) and that is how this whole thing works.  I welcome the new additions and look forward to sharing more great posts and tweets with each and every one of them!  Also, thanks to the “favorites” and “retweets” of these fine words of wisdom from the other night:

I got retweeted n' shit!!

I got retweeted n’ shit!!

 

Just getting all that info and links and shit together took up a good portion of the day and you definitely should not see the totally fucked up notepad document that I put together to try to remember all those links and Twitter links and shit like that.  Also, there was the half hour I spent trying to figure out what in the fuck @RageMichelle‘s Twitter account was.  Put a Twitter link on that blog, Michelle!!  It made me feel really good to have made all these new friends and connections and I really felt like some worthwhile networking got done.  Which is good, because Jenny at TheBloggess emailed me back and well, she emailed me back and that’s a win in and of itself in my book so I’ll take it.  I still haven’t heard back from George Takei and I can only assume it’s because he is reading my blog and laughing his ass off and hasn’t been able to respond.  (Let me have the dream, ok?!)

And no, I still haven’t worked up the balls or the Valium dosage to try to get in touch with Pauley Perrette or Kate Micucci.

Beyond that, today was very similar to yesterday with only a couple of variations.

Things that were the same

  • I still did not get the title to my car in the mail, although I did contact the bank and did find out when it was sent, so it should arrive soon.
  • I still checked the blog stats obsessively.
  • I was still disappointed and wished for more Valium.
  • I still didn’t get the Clinical Psychologist job.
  • I still checked for more Twitter followers (up to 23 now).
  • Bella’s “blade of grass” ritual was still a pain in the ass.
  • The cat is still a dick.

Things that were different

  • My “free” personal business cards came in the mail today, so the mailbox hike wasn’t a complete waste.
    Yep, still blocked out my phone number, and yep, they're kinda stupid, but they'll do for now.

    Yep, still blocked out my phone number, and yep, they’re kinda stupid, but they’ll do for now.

     

  • Attempts to call my psychologist, psychiatrist and primary physician to get more drugs or at least an appointment all got me absolutely nowhere.
  • There was no NCIS marathon for me to find today, so it was Law & Order: SVU.

Oh, and I also found out that this doesn’t work . . .

jackshit 011

 

This got me a half eaten bag of McDonald’s french fries and a stern warning from the Tampa Police Department that you can’t do that.

I’m just kidding.

I didn’t get any french fries.

I did find out (through Googling it, because seriously, I didn’t do this) that panhandling in Tampa IS ONLY PERMITTED ON SUNDAYS.  So for future reference, only beg for money on the streets of Tampa on Sunday.

But I can let you know that there is a donation button over there on the sidebar if you want to help a veteran out.  I’ll blog and blog and blog away.  If you want the dancing like a white boy though, that’s gonna cost you quite a bit.

Oh, and I’ve not taken a Valium all day . . . so I can take the whole days worth later this evening.

And my doctor was worried that I wouldn’t be responsible with it.

Showed her!

—————————————————————————-

Facebook post of the day goes to my new friend Kate from Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine!

You've all thought it.  Don't lie.

You’ve all thought it. Don’t lie.

 

 

 

 

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/08/jackshit-tuesday-like-jackshit-monday-without-snakes/

10 comments

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  1. Michelle

    OMG thank you so much!!!

    And I’ll fix that twitter thing right away!
    Michelle recently posted…Vegetables: Bad PoetryMy Profile

    1. opticynicism

      You are so very welcome, Michelle! Thanks for stopping by and please keep coming back. I’m addicted to comments and I don’t get nearly enough of them. (And the commentluv helps everybody!!)

      And yes, I cannot express enough how important that Twitter thing can be!
      opticynicism recently posted…Jackshit Tuesday, Like Jackshit Monday without snakesMy Profile

  2. Teri

    You never cease to amaze me! You’re a genius! You could write For Hallmark or American Greetings card company! Ever thought of writing a book? On second thought, you writing a book with your OCD ass, that could take years and years! Let’s considered some smartass greeting cards!

    1. opticynicism

      Never assume that I have not considered a book . . . it is my OCD ass that has kept me from doing it so far because I have not found the “perfect thing to write about” yet.

      And when you go to the greeting card section at Hallmark and see the categories “Birthdays”, “Anniversaries”, “Mother’s Day”, “Christmas” aaaaaaaaaaaaand “Fuck You” ….. you’ll know I got hired.
      opticynicism recently posted…Jackshit Tuesday, Like Jackshit Monday without snakesMy Profile

  3. Foxy Wine Pocket

    Thank you so much for the shout-out. I’m honored to be in such fine company. Really enjoying your blog so far–looking forward to reading more! xoxo
    Foxy Wine Pocket recently posted…Drunk Foxy and the Case of the Missing Nut BowlMy Profile

    1. opticynicism

      The honor is mine, Foxy! And you are so already the recipient of tomorrows Facebook post of the day! The “I’m sorry blowjob” post was Facebook GOLD! Loved it and love you! Thanks for reading!
      opticynicism recently posted…Jackshit Tuesday, Like Jackshit Monday without snakesMy Profile

  4. Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories)

    Why thank you kindly, dear sir! Delighted you listed my blog on your sidebar and gave me shout-outs on your blog and Twitter. It’s possible you have just become my NEW BFF — and I shall put you in my will. You shall inherit a stuffed parakeet and one prong from an electric mixer. I shall bequeath the other prong to another BFF — and it shall be your life’s mission to FIND that BFF and reunite the prongs to bake a cake together.

    (It’s possible you are now regretting mentioning me at all and trying to figure out a way to gracefully decline my offer of being BFF.) But it will not stand, sir! The deed is done! We are BFF, dammit!
    Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) recently posted…The HILARIOUS Reason My Friend’s Husband is Mad at HerMy Profile

    1. opticynicism

      I will not ever regret mentioning you, I shall not decline the offer of BFF and I will find that other BFF and we will make the best fucking cake ever!! (It’ll have Valium in it.)

      Keep stopping in and keep commenting. I’m addicted to comments. And possibly Valium.
      opticynicism recently posted…Jackshit Tuesday, Like Jackshit Monday without snakesMy Profile

  5. Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories)

    VALIUM CAKE??!! Brilliant! Let’s market this IMMEDIATELY in malls across America! This is a billion dollar idea, my new BFF!

    I can already see our diversification plans…Darvon Donuts, Prozac Popsicles, Codeine Cupcakes…!
    Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) recently posted…Funniest Way to Get Out of a TicketMy Profile

    1. opticynicism

      Morphine Muffins!! We’ll make millions!! We’ll need it for the attorneys.

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