Aug 29 2014

“Like a fucking angel but with curse words and prescription drugs”

Yep, that’s me!

Quite possibly the greatest compliment I’ve ever received since starting this blog ever.  Left to me in a comment yesterday by the yet another new woman I am in love with, @RavingPleb at, of course, The Raving Pleb.  I was so touched I had to Tweet it immediately . . . and post it on both my personal Facebook page and the Opticynicism Facebook page.  It was so fucking beautiful, I just had to make it the title of tonight’s post, because aside from still being a relatively boring day yet again, things actually kinda went ok for me today.  So to start the day with that compliment, it simply gave a little foreshadowing to the rest of the day.

Because on top of everything else, @KateWhineHall taught me how to do that whole “post the tweet with the follow button in it in a blog post” trick, because she made a great post about a fruit fly infestation that included several of them.  So besides feeling like a complete fucking idiot for not being able to follow simple instructions and do something I learned how to do probably 10 fucking year ago and having to ask her twice what the procedure was, I finally got it.  I admitted that I felt stupid to her. She offered no words of comfort to appease my ego. So stupid, was I.

Ok, I’ll try to stop doing it now, but damn that’s cool and because of all the awesome friends I’ve made on Twitter lately, you’ll be seeing it again.

And I still feel stupid for not figuring that out quicker than I did.

I’d blame the Valium, but I’m out . . . and apparently not getting anymore, but I’ll get to that in a minute because I’m not done pouring out love still.

Damn these ladies have done wonders for my “blogo”.  (It’s like ego but it’s measured in visitor stats, because if it was about ego @KateWhineHall would have been all “Awwwww, you’re not stupid, you just had a bald moment”.)

I was looking at my blog stats today, ya know, obsessively every 10 to 20 minutes as I tend to do and I noticed this:

foxyreferrers

 

For those of you that don’t do this kinda thing, Referrers are the places where people clicked a link that took them to your blog.   As a general rule, most clicks leading here come from Facebook and Twitter.

Always.

Every fucking day.

Except today.  Today, most of my visitors came from Foxy Wine Pocket.  Who is as funny as dog treats in a nut bowl anyway, but you can bet your ass that I’m never going to forget to comment over there again.  Just a note to my female readers as well, head over there because she’s doing a poll on blowjobs and she’d like your input.  So to speak.

So all in all, it wasn’t a bad day thus far, despite the lack of Valium.

I guess I’ll get to that part now.

My “panel” of doctors at the VA have finally reached a decision on an antidepressant.  And the winner is:

CELEXA!

Which apparently is NOT addictive since they gave me a whole big giant bottle of the shit with 4 refills.  And apparently I have to start taking a half a pill a day.  It would seem it needs to be approached carefully.

Kinda like letting a dog sniff your hand before you actually try to pet him or he’ll bite your face off.

Then I’ll get worked up to a whole pill, then a pill and a half, then two . . . until I’m finally taking them by the handful.  Which the way I see it, was working with the Valium so I don’t know why we didn’t just leave that alone.  But in all seriouslyness, it is supposed to fix the chemical bullshit that goes on in my brain that causes depression, anxiety and assholeism.

So I can just be a plain, ordinary, normal, everday asshole instead.  The world will be a better place.  For me, anyway.

The two favorite (can you feel the sarcasm here?) side effects that are listed for it are drowsiness and insomnia.  So which is it?  Because to me this sounds kind of like waiting in line outside the gates of hell.  I have insomnia anyway, so really didn’t need any help in that department, and I spend a lot of time drowsy because I can’t fucking sleep, so I was doing ok there as well.  But it’s an antidepressant, so I guess I’ll just be happier about my drowsy, unable to sleep wait in line to hell.  Ordinarily I’d just take a couple of Alteril and go to sleep anyway, which is an over the counter sleep aid you can get at any WalMart and it is by no means an Ambien, but the shit works pretty good for me.  It’s got Melatonin, Valerian root and L-tryptophan in it and the combination seems to do a pretty decent job of getting me to sleep.

Then I read the drugs that you should not take with Celexa.  Most of which were irrelevant to me, save for one.  L-trytophan.  Yep, that one.  That is also the chemical that is in turkey that makes everyone want to pass out after Thanksgiving dinner.  Well, in addition to the over consumption of alcohol before and during Thanksgiving dinner, but I’m only speaking from personal family experience there.

The list of medications that you couldn’t take with Celexa, however, did NOT include Valium . . . so you can bet your ass we’re gonna have THAT conversation at my next appointment.

I also enjoyed that they listed this side effect:  “decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm”.

It made me laugh because of how goddamn irrelevant it was to my life right now.

So this new drug therapy begins tomorrow morning.  I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.  Or if my posts start getting weird and distorted, somebody let me know so I can get them to find me another drug.

Or perhaps I should say, when my posts STOP being weird and distorted, let me know so I can get them to find me another drug.

So with that experiment well under way, yet another positive thing happened today . . .

IMG_0524
Know what that is?  THAT’S THE FUCKING TITLE TO MY CAR THAT I’VE BEEN WAITING ON FOR-FUCKING-EVER!!  The trip to the mailbox has never been more pleasant.  Ok, well, the walk BACK from the mailbox has never been more pleasant.  So now I can just go down to the DMV and get my tags and be able to drive again!  Right?  RIGHT!?

Oh HELL no.

First, because my dad was a co-signer on the loan when I bought the car, his name is listed on the title as well.  Since, thankfully except in this particular case, he does not live here, I am required to have him fill out the co-owner portion of some paperwork which he must also sign and then include a legible photocopy of his drivers license, which he must then send to me.  Thankfully, I caught him in a decent mood and he went in “The Cave” and printed out the form, filled it out, copied his license and left it on the table upstairs . . . which my mom then put in the mail for OVERNIGHT delivery.  If you haven’t read ANY of the posts I’ve made about my dad, 1) I’d highly recommend that you do and 2) that whole process went MUCH smoother than I would have ordinarily expected.  Assuming that a) he filled it out right and b) he actually did remember to include the photocopy of his drivers license..

Now when this form arrives, I will have to fill  out my portion of it as well and then get what is called a “VIN Verification” done, which is also included on this same form.  Colorado did this too but it was a little easier there, but what it entails is that someone of some kind of authority has to visually look at the vehicle and read the VIN numbers in the various places that it is stamped and verify that it matches the number on the title.  I can physically drive the car to the DMV and one of their officials can come out and do it, but then he will immediately give me a ticket for driving it over there on expired tags.  The other option I have is to have a police officer come to the house and do the verification and fill out the form with his badge number and all that shit.  So I called the Hillsborough County Sheriffs Office to see when I might be able to have someone do that, where I was informed that they will no longer dispatch an officer to do VIN verifications anymore because of a lack of officers.

I call bullshit on the “lack of officers” crap because when I do drive the car with my expired tags to go to the grocery store or some shit, I generally end up seeing nine of the fuckers and the grocery store is only a mile away.

I was also told that if I happen to see an officer and can flag him down, he will stop and do it for me though.  So I can walk the half mile up to the highway and stand on the corner and hope I get lucky enough a) to see a cop, because I NEVER see one when I’m not driving around with expired tags and b) that he’s not an asshole and won’t go the half mile back to the house and do it.

So, I did what I had to do and called the DMV.  We all know what that entailed.  That required finding the number, calling it, punching through the appropriate menu items and then putting the phone on speaker and laying it on the desk while I wait on hold being repeatedly thanked for my patience . . . for an hour.

  • I surfed Facebook
  • I read some Tweets
  • I wrote some Tweets
  • I drank some coffee
  • I installed some new shit on the computer I just fixed
  • I filled out another job application
  • I attempted to lick Valium residue out of my empty Valium bottle (It works but you gotta break that fucker in half).

Finally someone answered, and they pretty much sounded as though THEY were the one that just waited on hold for an hour.  But I got an answer.

I can take my paperwork down to DMV (if someone gives me a ride, of course, not in my car) and they will provide me with a 10 day tag which I can put on my car making it legal to drive and then I can bring it to them.  So, AWESOME, right?!  I can take my 10 day tag, go down to the DMV and just get my regular Florida tag and be good to go!

Oh HELL no!

At this point I will have done everything I need to do to apply for a title transfer so that I can eventually be issued a FLORIDA car title.  Another process that I must wait for.  Ya know, like wait on the MAIL for.  It will be at THAT point, when I have a FLORIDA title for my car in my hands . . . then, and ONLY THEN can I get an actual Florida license tag.

This process may or may not be completed before the temporary 10 day tag runs out.

Of course there’s fees for the title transfer, the 10 day tag and eventually of course, for the Florida tag and registration itself.  So between the drivers license, getting the copy of my original title, the title transfer and (God help me) actually getting the car tagged and registered, I’ll be nearly 5 weeks and over $400 into the whole process.  And let’s not leave out that my next car insurance payment is due Sept. 5th, so I’ve already paid for a month on my new Florida insurance company for a car that I could not (legally) drive.

I know, I know . . . you’re all just lining the fuck up to move to Florida aren’t you.

So yeah, a good thing happened that will begin the next shitty process.

REALLY gonna have that Valium conversation with the psychologist.  Thankfully that appointment is coming up on Tuesday.

On other notes, the computer I fixed for Liz is working like a champ and I’m loving being able to use it because the screen is HUGE and my blind ass can read it.  Still need my glasses but it’s still better than the laptop.

Yeah, I made my own desktop because I'm a dick like that.

Yeah, I made my own desktop because I’m a dick like that.

I expect I’ll be getting a commission check from Vitaminwater any day now because that advertisement will NOT come free!

And before I end this for the day . . . this is both blogger love and a fuck you all wrapped up in one.

So thanks for that @RageMichelle. And now everyone knows why the Song of the Day is what it is.

And for @KateWhineHall, a fruit fly is annoyingly violating my computer monitor, and I blame you.

Sorry this was so long.  I may have mentioned that I’m out of Valium.

—————————————————————————————————————–

Facebook Post of the Day goes to Full Metal Mommy!!

 . . .and now I want Fritos for Chrissakes.

. . .and now I want Fritos for Chrissakes.

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/08/like-a-fucking-angel-but-with-curse-words-and-prescription-drugs/

9 comments

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  1. Sorry about Sussudio. I guess Billy Don’t Be A Hero would have been better….I’ll work on it.
    Michelle recently posted…Beyond Narcissism: What I’ve LearnedMy Profile

    1. At least you got song of the day and I haven’t carried out my threat to make a playlist yet. We’ll see what happens after I try to enter Foxy Wine Pocket’s “figure out what 80’s power ballad my husband ripped off” contest today.

      It has so many possible ways to go completely wrong.
      opticynicism recently posted…“Like a fucking angel but with curse words and prescription drugs”My Profile

  2. [Wakes up. Logs in. “HOLY SHIT! THAT’S MY FACE!”] Wow 🙂 I’m glad I made you smile with that compliment, I thought of a new one for you inspired by that Twitter analogies thing you posted yesterday: “Like a beacon of hope on a dark night, because light reflects really well off his bald head.” Ba-dum-dum. (No applause? Balls. You’re right, I can do better and I will do better.)
    Oooooh, Celexa! That’s gotta be good, it sounds like a character from Guardians of the Galaxy and if that’s not good enough reason to take a drug then I just don’t know what is!
    High five on fiiiiinally getting the car title, not so much on all the bullshit over at the DMV! X
    The Raving Pleb recently posted…GBBO #Bingate – Is nothing sacred anymore?!My Profile

    1. That was the greatest compliment EVER! (The bald head one, not so much. Yeah, you can do better.) But your work is so good, you deserved the attention and I see I got at least one of my readers to head over that way, so maybe by making you the headline we can get you a few more (not that I have a cult following or anything, but we’ll try). Also, you need a Facebook Page for your blog, it’ll help, and also I’ll be able to follow it and tag you in it and stuff.

      As for the Celexa, we’ll see. Someone got me on an 80’s power ballad kick this morning and I’m thinking about writing one about how much I miss my Valium.
      opticynicism recently posted…“Like a fucking angel but with curse words and prescription drugs”My Profile

    2. And if you just woke up, you must have sleep habits like I do, because by my calculations, it’s like 2:30 in the afternoon over there! That’s assuming if you can call that thing I do “sleep” and if it were an actual habit.
      opticynicism recently posted…“Like a fucking angel but with curse words and prescription drugs”My Profile

  3. Thanks Michelle, I was safe from Sussudio, but Billy Don’t Be a Hero is now going to ruin my concentration for the rest of the day.

    Opticynicism: Nothing worse than being on hold (okay, having your meds fucked with may be worse. That’s never fun). I feel your pain on both counts.
    Cassandra recently posted…Throwdown Thursday: Knee Defender EditionMy Profile

    1. There is one thing worse than being on hold . . . being on hold an being out of meds.
      opticynicism recently posted…“Like a fucking angel but with curse words and prescription drugs”My Profile

  4. You weren’t kidding about your rambling being as bad as mine! Love it!!
    I had similar (and worse) battles w/anti-depressants years ago. My doc wants me back on them, but I’m fighting it for some reason. Mostly b/c I don’t want to give up booze and…..other things.
    I love those bloggers, have not checked out the Pleb, but will do that RIGHT NOW. Nice to “meet” you!
    p.s. F the DMV! F ’em in the A!

    1. Thank you so much for loving my rambling. I generally get “Holy shit, that was the longest post EVER!” comments. I’m working on brevity but I’m taking too long to do it.

      The booze, had to give it up. Loved it a little TOO much, thus now the anti-depressant war and gave up “other things” years ago (which is kind of a shame since I just moved from Colorado).

      Absolutely check out the Pleb . . . she’s kinda new, but fabulous!

      As for the DMV, I applied for a personalized tag but for some reason they won’t let me have FUCKDMV.
      opticynicism recently posted…“Like a fucking angel but with curse words and prescription drugs”My Profile

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