Saturday. Day off. Day of rest. I ignored my therapist and slept til 1:00 today.
To all the parents and mom and dad bloggers out there that read, it was AWESOME! You’re welcome.
My brilliant idea for the weekend was to write 3 or 4 posts and save them in draft so I’d have some stuff “in the queue” to post during the week when I get home from work and don’t feel like doing shit. The problem is that I wound up with bloggers block and couldn’t think of one good idea for a post today, but I could think of about 1000 things that were just randomly funny but didn’t warrant an entire blog.
I’ve also got a list of people that I’m adding to the blog roll over there that deserve some props and I haven’t done that in a while, so I’m going to do that tonight as well. I’ve neglected that lately and for that I apologize and I’ve been commenting on their blogs and they are probably all like “who the fuck are you?” and stuff, so I’m gonna wave and say hi.
Also, if you haven’t read yesterday’s post yet, please do that and help me out. I’m still looking for more suggestions to help me screw with The Boy.
So let’s get to the random. Try and stay with me here, ’cause this might get a little messy . . . .
The Goddamn DMV happened again
Yep, that 30 days is almost up and it was time to get shit done, so there I was:
Trapped in the third circle of hell. Two hours I waited. They even let me leave work early so I could get here. Finally got to the counter not much before 5:00 when they close. Know what I accomplished? Go ahead, guess.
NOT ONE FUCKING THING!!
Yep, that’s right. Two hours all to get to the counter and be told that my fathers signature was ONCE AGAIN, in the wrong place. That’s right. The line they TOLD me to have him sign the last time, was wrong.
So even though I have his signature on the form, they won’t accept it because it is off by two fucking inches, and therefore I still cannot have a Florida tag.
Also, the DMV lady was mean and hateful and had no remorse whatsoever that she had wasted yet another 2 hours in the 2 months I’ve been trying to get this done and even though I had the signature where they TOLD me to put it, there was not even an insincere apology for the inconvenience.
So I stole that bitches pen.
So I was given yet another 30 day tag and sent on my way. Angry and out into yet another monsoon at rush hour, 6 miles from home which was going to take about 45 minutes. I suppose it was a good thing that it was humid and raining like hell because my windows were all fogged up and my middle finger was sore by the time I got home.
I will totally not be forging his signature this time.
Speaking of the weather . . .
It is yet another beautiful Saturday in Florida.
I went to the grocery store today . . .
. . .three times. This morning (you know, after 1:00) I wanted eggs and bacon. We were out of eggs. I went to get more. Without my wallet. So there’s two trips. Then later I ran out of coffee creamer. They did not have what I wanted and I knew this because whatever communist runs Winn Dixie has decided that they will not carry the peppermint mocha. They will, however, offend my senses with this:
Cut me some goddamn holiday slack already! Also, what the hell is this??
Is Mexican Chocolate different from regular chocolate? Is it infused with jalapenos? Did it smuggle itself across the border in the back of an unventilated panel van with 42 other chocolates? Does it work for $7 an hour without bitching about it? Who the fuck is that non-Mexican, old transvestite on the label?
I also totally forgot to snap a picture of the banana sale rack with the .69 sign on it so I could have a “insert your own penis joke here” image.
Welcome to my head. I told you it was weird in here.
I got the mail today
There was nothing in there for any of us, but this came:
I don’t know who named you, but I’m sorry Sir or Ma’am. Also, we have your phone bill.
That also reminded me of this:
A picture I used in one of my more popular posts about Craigslist with the lovely Denise.
Speaking of Denise . . .
I know many of you have heard of St. Baldrick’s Foundation to cure childhood cancer. Denise is in a competition with her friend to see which of them can get the most donations, so if you are so inclined to donate to this well known organization and cause, even if it’s only $5, please donate at this link https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/733711/2015 and enter your name as “Denise’s Friend” so she gets credit for it. She will appreciate it and you’ll be giving to a good cause as well.
Speaking of shit that reminds me of old, popular posts . . .
I found this on the intranetz today and made it a point to post it on Facebook because it was relevant to my earlier childhood trauma inflicted upon me by my father:
I talked about this very incident in one of my fan favorite posts about my father and the clueless way in which he inflicted misery into our young lives. This is the link to the original article on the inflatable back seat.
Speaking of fans . . .
Cassandra at The Next Delusion made me feel all warm and fuzzy with this tweet the other day:
— Cassandra (@TheNextDelusion) September 26, 2014
That was a very nice thing for her to do and I got a couple more followers as a result, so thanks Cassandra!
Wrap up of random shit that went through my head today that I don’t have images for . . .
I have seen more rain in the last week than I saw in the entire three years I lived in Colorado. I’ll not lose sleep over wildfires here.
Just having a text conversation with Denise while simultaneously writing this post gave me a couple of ideas for more posts, so look forward to hearing about rotten vaginas and farting greasy Chinese food in the future. I know you’re just trembling with excitement right now.
Oh, wait, I do have another image. I found the perfect wallpaper for my other phone the other day . . .
It has naked chicks AND looks like a skull. It’s a win/win. The wallpaper on my phone does not include the censored bars, but I think the Amazon advertising thing I agreed to had some “anti-tit” rules so I have to keep it clean. -ish. Also, a lot of women read this blog and I don’t want to drive anyone away. Although I suppose I could have gone to the trouble of finding images of those small round bandaids in support of @qwertygirl’s new method of nipple camouflage.
I have seen more rain since I typed the previous statement about rain than I saw the entire three years I lived in Colorado, which is stressing me out because given how much time I’ve spent at the DMV, I don’t even want to know how long it will take me to register a boat here.
I need to find me some humor bloggers that live in Tampa, so we can get together and start a gang and terrorize restaurants and adult bookstores and throw around our middle finger gang sign.
This post had a lot of pictures in it and I apologize to those of you with slow computers.
I’m done with the random shit
Ok, that is seriously enough of my weird ass brain for today. I’ve got to get on with the blogger love because it is way overdue. The tough part about this is that the more new, hilarious people I meet, the more new ones I find. Trying to keep up with them is almost impossible without putting them in my sidebar and giving me a list to click my way down every evening. The fact is, they are all just so awesome that I don’t want to miss anything from any of them. So instead of introducing each one individually, I’m just going to point out all the new ones here and tell you that they are all awesome and you won’t be disappointed by any of them. Each one is a link to their blog followed by a link to their Twitter. So follow ’em, read ’em and enjoy!
First the new Dudes:
And the ladies:
The Process – Parenting, Writing, Gaming @triplemare
The Real VD – Where the stories are always entertaining or your money back @IamtherealVD
When Crazy Meets Exhaustion – My attempt at adult conversation @CrazyExhaustion
Something Clever 2.0 – Excellent at complaining @JennSmthngClvr
Mom’s Who Drink and Swear – A collection of profanity laced thought bombs @queenofcussin
Snarkfest – Thoughts from a totally snarktastic mom @SnarkfestBlog
Megsanity – Women, psychology and expletives @megsanitypsych
Check them all out . . . you won’t be sorry!
Till next time, Peace!
Facebook Post of the Day from my old childhood friend from way back in the day, Mark: