Sep 03 2014

Some DMV Success – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron to me too

jackshit 013title

I took a couple days off from writing.  I probably needed the break.

More importantly, you probably needed the break.

So I did a whole bunch of nothing on Sunday and Monday we went to a new friends house for some Labor Day barbecuin’.  Well, new friends to me – Liz has known them forever.  Now we have a fridge full of leftover chicken, ribs, sausage, potato salad and some other stuff.  I think we’re good in the food department for a few days.

Then there was today.  It started kind of early, but I had ALL of my shit together to go to the DMV and (fingers crossed) get that much sought after 10 day tag.  I carefully went through my stack of paperwork to make sure everything was in order and caught a ride over to the office.

Upon arriving, I immediately came to the conclusion that perhaps first thing in the morning, the day after a 3 day weekend probably wasn’t a good idea because it was clear that the entire State of Florida had DMV business to do today and this was clearly the only office in the State.  I did make it through the line that you have to wait in so that you can get a place in the next line.  I drew the number C202 on my ticket, and went to find a seat – apparently on the curb outside the front doors near an ashtray since there were no empty seats inside.  It was here that I heard them call the next two numbers over the speaker.

“C327 to window 17, C328 to window 9”

I looked at my ticket again, sure as shit, C202.  Wondering how, in the 30 seconds it took me to walk outside, I had missed being called by 125 people.  I immediately went up to the nearest Sheriff’s officer with my ticket in hand and my best “What the Fuck” face on and asked him what the deal was.  Fighting back a yawn, he casually said “Oh, it’ll roll back over when it gets to 349”.

You can imaging my joy and just finding out that I had not missed being called, I was simply the 223rd person in line at the moment.  So I eventually sat down when I finally found a seat, because much like a mall parking lot at Christmas, I had to join the rest of the “stalkers” waiting for someone to get up.  Looking back on it, I probably shouldn’t have shouted “DIBS!” when I saw someone get up.

Fortunately (for her at least) I had asked my ride just to go home and I’d text her when I got close to my turn, which at this point was looking like it was going to be somewhere around Thursday.

The numbers started to move pretty quickly, and within about 45 minutes the magical C349 rolled over and to my quite pleased surprise, it rolled over to C175.

No, it makes no sense whatsoever, but at this point I was in no position to complain.  Until . . . .

Around C181, they stopped calling numbers.  At all.  Ever.

After about 10 minutes a woman finally came out of the back and screamed to get everyone’s attention.  She then announced that for anything related to titles, registration or tags (in other words, ALL the shit I was there for) that the State computer system had crashed and that there was no estimate as to when it would be back up.  It could be as long as two hours.

So close, yet so far away.

You could hear the collective “Just kill me” come up from the room, and more than a few said “Well then just fuck it, I’ll come back tomorrow” and left.  Which would ultimately work out in my favor.  I was also amused by the fact that there were three different poor, waiting souls in there wearing that “Let me drop everything and take care of YOUR problem” T-shirt.  I could only think that it was DMV irony at its very best.

Because the computer system came back up in about 15 minutes and many of the people that were between 181 and 201 had left, so within about 15 minutes of the computers coming back to life, I was finally seated in front of the appropriate DMV representative to get some shit done!  I laid my stack of papers in front of her and she went through it to make sure it was all there.

  • New copy of Title
  • Paperwork signed by me and my dad
  • Copy of my dad’s drivers license
  • Proof of Florida insurance
  • My drivers license
  • Original receipt from when I bought the car (Thank GOD because if I couldn’t prove I paid sales tax on the car, they were going to charge me for it again!)
  • Urine sample (she didn’t think that was as funny as I did)

But it was all there.  Everything I needed and things were going as planned.  All that was left to do was bring the car in to them, because yeah, they have to have an officer physically go out to the car and make sure the VIN number matches all the paperwork, thus why I was there to get that coveted 10 day tag.

Well, I got it.  And it was a THIRTY day tag!  Super fucking joy!!  So now I have 30 days to bring the car in and scrape up the 8 million dollars they need to get the whole title change process done, print the new title and then finally let me have an actual tag made with care by some inmate somewhere.  But in the meantime, I CAN DRIVE!!

The number on that temporary tag may or may not have been altered to hide the actual number.

The number on that temporary tag may or may not have been altered to hide the actual number.

And I drove to my appointment at the VA hospital and made it on time for the 2:30 appointment.  Then I drove and picked up Liz’s son from school.  Then I drove to the grocery store.  Then I drove to the fucking mailbox, because by God, I can drive without constantly scanning to see if there was a cop around me.  Normally, with the expired tag on, I’d see 9 cops between here and the grocery store a mile away.  Today I probably drove 100 miles and I didn’t see a single damn one.  Go figure.

I’m going somewhere tomorrow too.  I don’t know where, but I’m going.  Because I can.

. . . .just a touch of blogger love before I roll outta here:

During the time off, I also ran across a couple more blogs that I felt were sidebar worthy, so let me give a quick introduction (in no particular order) to them as well.

Absolutely go check out Sarah (@est1975blog) and her hilarious blog Established 1975.  Anybody that can title a post simply “fish barf” and still make me want to read it is definitely noteworthy.  Scroll through the rest of her blog because you’ll love it all.

Also stop in and see @Lisa_Newlin at Lisa Newlin – Seriously?  Her tagline says it all:  “The rantings of a somewhat sane thirty something lovable disaster. Embarrassing myself so you don’t have to.”  Just try real hard not to make yourself her next Tinder Tuesday victim.  It’s hilarious as long as you’re not him.  Don’t be him.

Finally, take a gander at @nuttytangents over at Spoken Like a True Nut.  Take a hilarious look and find out in her latest post what really happens at Bachelorette parties.

Night all!!

————————————————————————————————–

Facebook Post of the Day is going to Kate at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine which also comes with a story in and of itself:

80stweet

Kate posted this on Twitter as well, and it went APESHIT CRAZY!!  As a result, she also has a new playlist in the “My Spotify” page up in the menu bar, for all you 80’s teens to back on a nostalgic tour of your high school days.  There are 66 songs in the playlist and EVERY one of them were somehow mangled with the word “Tweet” in Kate’s attempt to get her hashtag to trend.  It didn’t trend and we were all disappointed, but go check out the playlist!

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/09/some-dmv-success-i-know-it-sounds-like-an-oxymoron-to-me-too/

14 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. Thanks, Eric, for the FB shout-out!

    I hate the DMV – bleh.

    I need to check out Spoken Like a True Nut. Already big fans of Sarah and Lisa.

    1. The 80’s Song Tweet thing was WAY too fun and funny not to share everywhere!

      And definitely check out True Nut. Funny as hell.
      opticynicism recently posted…Some DMV Success – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron to me tooMy Profile

  2. Thanks for the blog love!

    I’m Canadian, eh? but our version of the DMV is just as stupid. It’s probably some sort of worldwide prerequisite that all these places are run according to no logic whatsoever.
    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted…To getting married and shit!My Profile

    1. You are welcome!! And if things keep going like they are going in the good old US of A, I might be a new neighbor, so there is always that.

      That is, if your version of the DMV will allow me to get plates for the car.
      opticynicism recently posted…Some DMV Success – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron to me tooMy Profile

  3. There will certainly be a DMV in the 7th circle of hell. Congratulations to you for surviving!
    Cassandra recently posted…Six Reasons Why I Love PokerMy Profile

    1. Oh, the survival training is far from over. This has simply been DMV 101 at this point. I still have to go get the actual tags now, which (and looking back, I probably should have mentioned this in the post because it is asinine/funny/stupid as well) Florida has decided that all tags will expire on your birth month . . .

      . . . which for me is NEXT month. So on top of everything else, I’ll have to go back in a month and renew.

      Idiots.
      opticynicism recently posted…Some DMV Success – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron to me tooMy Profile

  4. Thanks for the shout-out, you Disclosure-stealing hoodlum! 😉 I’ve already gotten a few referrals from your site today <3
    Sarah (est. 1975) recently posted…how to throw a frugal weddingMy Profile

    1. You are quite welcome! And at least I warned you I was stealing it. lol (You do have a copyright warning and all – which I’ll probably also steal, but that’s not really stealing – just a good idea that a lot more people should be stealing)

      I also get referrals by whoring myself out and making comments a lot on blogs that have CommentLuv.

      That shit works!
      opticynicism recently posted…Some DMV Success – I know, it sounds like an oxymoron to me tooMy Profile

  5. Lmao! I so feel your pain! When I moved from Iowa to Illinois, I had to have my old license, my social security card, my birth certificate, my college transcripts (which still baffles me), mail addressed to me at my new Illinois address (which was a whole other dramafest since I had a P.O. box only, with no actual physical address since I rented a tiny little house on a nice old couple’s property that simply never had it’s own address), and the title to my car after it had been switched to Illinois, which couldn’t be done without the new license. I’m fairly sure I spent roughly 197 hours at that damn DMV.
    Once again, you have successfully amused me! LOL

    1. I don’t even want to know what I’d have to go through if I had only a P.O. Box. Given what I’ve been through thus far, I’d probably have to somehow prove that I lived IN the box.

      Thanks for stopping in! Please keep checking back!
      opticynicism recently posted…The CandiedSkull Legacy and its total weirdnessMy Profile

  6. I was toying with the idea of buying a new car–our minivan is in terrible shape–but reading this has made me rethink that, because I’d totally forgotten about DMV hell. We renew our licenses by mail, so I haven’t been in a DMV in like ten years, and based on what I remember about it from all those years ago (memories that were revived by this post) I don’t want to go back! Maybe the dented tailgate and scraped bumper don’t look so bad after all…

    1. Hey, as long as all the doors and quarter panels are the same color, it’s perfect!

      Thanks for stopping in, my friend!
      opticynicism recently posted…The CandiedSkull Legacy and its total weirdnessMy Profile

  7. Congrats on getting out alive! DMV=worstest.
    Mayor Gia recently posted…Throwback Thursday: Rational Fears about Boyfriend’s TripMy Profile

    1. Thanks! Unfortunately, the nightmare isn’t over yet. Maybe someday . . . like when I move out of Florida.

      Thanks for stopping in!
      opticynicism recently posted…The CandiedSkull Legacy and its total weirdnessMy Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

%d bloggers like this: