Oct 04 2014

Friday Night Twitter: The Red Light District

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I promised you a post involving The Boy and what we are going to make him cook.  I’m not going to back out of that promise, but I am going to be postponing it until Tuesday.  Plans kind of changed this week and it became a necessity to delay the event until Monday night, but it’s okay.  We’re not going to let him skate that easily.  Instead, everyone is away this weekend but me.  Liz is taking a much needed break and has gone off to Louisiana to attend the LSU game and let her friend get her drunk and make her feel better.  Her shitty Thursday was so shitty that it actually infected Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday with its shittiness, so she needed the break.  Girl and Boy are also away for the weekend doing their Girl and Boy things, which left me alone in the house for a couple days.  So I started off the weekend with what people of my age do on a Friday night with the house to themselves.

Not a goddamn constructive thing.

I Twitterered.

And I Twitterered some more.

Then it was 1 in the morning and I snapped out of it and looked at the TV that I had ignored for 8 hours and kinda went “What the fuck”?  I ended the night on this note:

Nothing is funnier than the truth, right?

I didn’t see many of my usual blogger peeps on there last night.  I found out why.  Twitter on Friday night is not for the weak.  Or the easily offended.  Or the sane. There were a couple of my “originals” (This is the name I will use to refer to the people I started off following because of their blogs as my following has gone from the 69 I posted about last week to 114 this week).  @ComfyTownChroni was there earlier on, telling us about her trip up Bitch Creek.

And @RageMichelle made an early evening appearance as well with her adventures in her teenagers bathroom.

Which, when cleaning a teenagers bathroom, is really the best you can ask for. Other than that, I found Friday Night Twitter to be more of a pre-masturbatory ritual for the face-to-face socially declined.  In fact, I’m going to Tweet that right now, because again, nothing is funnier than the truth.

Done and done.

For those of you smart enough to not get on Twitter on Friday night, or for those of you who just haven’t tried it yet and were wondering what it was all about, let me tell you what you’ll find there.  If you still decide to go there afterward, you can’t come back here and tell me you weren’t warned.

  • Horny women too lazy to go out and get laid
  • Horny men posing as horny women too lazy to go out and get laid
  • Horny men deemed too socially unacceptable to go out and get laid
  • Lots of tremendous boob cleavage avi’s
  • Said tremendous boob cleavage avi’s may or may not belong to an actual female
  • Horny women that want to get laid but can’t because their husband is sitting 2 feet from them on the couch ignoring them for a football game
  • Overuse of the “C-word” (you’ve been warned ladies)
  • Also, the “C-word” is not frowned upon by the ladies in the UK nearly as much as it is by the ladies in the US
  • Not horny women that are clearly bored
  •  . . . . and apparently, me.

I’m not going to say that I didn’t have a hilariously good time, because you know . . .

Eight fucking hours.

Regardless, I will not likely be returning for another Friday Night Twitter.  I don’t care how many new followers I got.  (I got two more just while writing this post, but I think that’s because I have become a serial retweeter.)  I’m thinking that I meet the more normal-ish people during the regular hours.  I mean, none of is truly normal.  Normal is boring and I wouldn’t bother to follow you if you were just “normal”.  There must be some sense of humor involved.

One of these folks I’ve come across, I found because of @KateWhineHall of Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine.  He is one of those rare male bloggers that I’ve come across that truly entertains me and also lengthens the Dude’s list in my sidebar slightly, so everyone please take the time to check out Jeff & Jill Went Up The Hill and give a follow to @jeffingoff while you’re at it.  You won’t be sorry.

Well, you might, but you’ll get over it.  The man’s hilarious.  Clearly.

He’s also got some completely cool Skull Rings that I’ve actually been eyeballing for months now and I think he’s convinced me to make the plunge and get one. Or ten.

Jeff, demonstrating how to look both forlorn and badass at the same time.

Jeff, demonstrating how to look both forlorn and badass at the same time.

Since this post is mostly about Twitter, I’ll also mention a Tweet I made that got a few retweets, but it was inspired by a comment I left on one of Jeff’s posts.

Jeff has since decided to replace Buffalo Wild Wings with a place called Twin Peaks, which I checked out online and instantly put him in charge of the venue for all future male blogger conventions.

Football-Web

I’m not a football fan, but ya know, whatever. I don’t go to Hooters for the football either.

There’s one in Orlando, so it’s only an hour away.  Well, for me.

So to wrap this up, check out Jeff’s blog, Twin Peaks and Friday Night Twitter (If you have a strong resolve).  Also, I told Jeff he was fired if one of the other 3 male bloggers suggests a good strip club, so send in your ideas fellas.

I also just want to mention that my birthday is coming up in a couple weeks . . .

. . . and this is totally on sale. Just sayin’.


 

Text Message of the Day:  Sent to me by Liz on her trip to Louisiana.  Apparently she knows me.

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wakethefuckup

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/10/friday-night-twitter-red-light-district/

12 comments

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  1. I want Jeff’s skull rings too, because I’m secretly a dude.
    Sarah (est. 1975) recently posted…the wall full of waterMy Profile

    1. Badassery is not gender specific, so it’s cool either way.
      opticynicism recently posted…Friday Night Twitter: The Red Light DistrictMy Profile

  2. After reading your post I’m seriously considering partaking of Friday-night Twitter, but I fear it might offend my Englishman sensibilities!
    Gary Sidley recently posted…What does a 56-year-old man worry about?My Profile

    1. There is no “might” about it, good sir. It offends all sensibilities.
      opticynicism recently posted…Friday Night Twitter: The Red Light DistrictMy Profile

  3. I love me some Twitter. I do. I mean, I *really* do, but I cannot possibly stay on Twitter that long. It’s like sensory overload or some shit, and I just shut the fuck down. 10 minutes on twitter, and I’m pretty much out.
    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted…/unfollowMy Profile

    1. I did not intend to do that at all, but I was already tired and then it just sucked me in. I was in some weird ass trance.
      opticynicism recently posted…Friday Night Twitter: The Red Light DistrictMy Profile

  4. First and foremost: Thank you for reminding me that the “c-word” is still a bad word to y’all ‘Muricans. It’s pretty much my favourite word so it’s good to be reminded that it still offends the fuck out of some people so I don’t go throwing it around and making people shudder with disgust or threaten to wash my mouth out with soap.
    Second: Thanks for braving Friday Night Twitter. It sounds horrendous and hilarious in equal measure! Although I bet you secretly enjoyed the horny women 😉
    The Raving Pleb recently posted…Is it just me, or is my boyfriend insane?My Profile

    1. While I’ll not deny enjoying horny women, on Friday Night Twitter it’s about as risky as enjoying horny women on Hollywood Blvd. They might look ok from a distance, but you don’t see the adams apple until you get up close. For the record, Hollywood Blvd is the place nightmares are made of, but I couldn’t spend 6 months in Los Angeles and not tell anyone I at least went there to see it.

  5. You are a brave man. And we need to have a male blogging convention to rival that of BlogHer and BlogU. We’ll call it LogBloggers. NO ONE will figure out that it’s a double entendre. They’ll just figure it’s for lumberjacks or something. THEN we can have a session called a LogJam.
    jeff recently posted…Thanks a lot, RUINERS.My Profile

    1. ….and what happens at LogBloggers, STAYS at LogBloggers!

  6. Glad you found Jeff! He’s one of my favorite male bloggers (along with you and Momus, of course). You two definitely needed to connect. Don Re @The_DOAT is another one you should check out.
    Cassandra recently posted…Greatest Theme Park EverMy Profile

    • Stephanie L. on October 9, 2014 at 4:40 pm
    • Reply

    Hey, these sound like the perfect ways to spend a couple of days alone… porn, popcorn, beer, and Twitter…hell yeah! lol

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