Oct 26 2014

I love you assholes!!

 

I was just sitting here typing a post . . .and it’s good.  For now.  Give me time, I’ll screw it up, but it occurred to me that I have this amazing venue through which I can thank everybody for their birthday wishes yesterday, and share the fun too!

The fun thing about writing a humor blog is that when people send me wishes, the humor comes back, and you guys did, and you rock.  Most of all, you were just there, and you have no idea how much I appreciate it!  So, in no real order, here is what you guys sent me . . .and I share because it is awesome:

The winner of my first birthday wish came from Lizzi, because she sent me her wishes on UK time.  I have since promised to visit England someday and hug her so hard that she farts.

lizzie

Then came Darren, also from the UK, and a HELL of a graphic artist and I’ve known this guy for like 14 years now but never met him in person.  Seriously, I met him like BEFORE MySpace.  He sent me this.  It’s a very good likeness.  Mostly because it is overly flattering.

10687444_10152888531004954_7886538976857220620_oDarren also said he put the right number of candles, so I counted them . . . . twice.  By my count, he missed one, but since it was in my favor, I’m letting it slide.

Then the Facebook and Twitter hits started to come in . . . and England got me again:

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This was from @RavingPleb, and she posted it on Twitter and Facebook both to make sure I got it.  Jade, I thank you and love you, you gorgeous, blogger genius you!  She doesn’t know it until, well, right now, but when I get to England, I’m hugging a fart out of her too.

Then, of course, there was my brother . . .

10405487_10204167071589985_8800283447982902958_n

. . .because that’s how we roll.  (Note: While that is in fact, a brother in that picture, that is not MY brother.)

My buddy Nick up in New York wished me the best with some 90’s awesomeness:

1-8

I tried to get him to do the Carlton dance in a video for me, but this is a man that his a picture of his bare ass on my forehead at a time I’d rather not discuss, so we’ll leave it at that.

Then arguably the best Facebook wish I got all day came from Stephanie.  No, not that Stephanie, the other one.

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And since I don’t drink anymore, and even when I did I didn’t drink wine . . . the whole wine thing could have been removed, but I won’t complain.

Then came the stuff close to home.

As some of you know from yesterdays post, Liz bestowed upon me this little piece of awesome . . .

IMG_0825

I will wear it forever on the same finger my wedding ring was on . . . to remind me.  It is awesome and shiny and I love it and Thank you!!!!!!

Then there were cards, yes, plural.

Because I got one from the dog . . .

thedog

Because that fucker was just waiting for me to get another penis cake.

Then that goddamn evil fucking cat . . .

thecat

And then finally, Liz was in cahoots with @RavingPleb . . .

liz

 

Then the live performance of my day came with a trip to Clearwater Beach, when upon our arrival I was greeted with fireworks.  They claim they called in ahead to have them ready but I’m still not buying it.

IMG_0817I apologize for the blurry one but the camera kept trying to focus on the windshield.

Then they took me to eat at my favorite Tampa restaurant . . . and by favorite, I mean it’s the only one I have been to but it’s awesome so it’s my favorite, Frenchy’s.

IMG_0823

 

Now, I have always been very careful about posting pics of people without their permission, and I stand by that, but Liz is actually in this picture.  (Hint, she is not the dude in the green shirt)

From there, we ordered enough appetizers for ten people, and the four of us ate them in a whirlwind and they were all awesome.  Crab dip, garlic crab fries, conch fritters and back again . . . then the main course, STONE CRAB for me!!  I don’t know what everyone else had because I was blinded by the haze of drawn butter as it splashed across my face and down my shirt.

The only thing I regret is not getting a video of the drunk guy dancing next to the band.  Because that is what “not getting laid” looks like.

To all of you . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I will live another year just to do it again!


Facebook post of the MONTH:  Ordinarily I put something particularly funny here, but this was just too powerful to leave alone.  I have a dear friend in California that lost her sister to cancer about a month ago, and she recently posted this pic.  This is her mom, dad and sister holding her hand shortly before she passed.  Beyond that, I have no words . . .

corinne

 

 

 

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/10/love-assholes/

18 comments

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  1. Ahhhhhhhh sounds like you celebrated in STYLE 😀 I’m so glad it was amazing and everything was wonderful.

    That pic at the end…very touching 🙁 Makes me MORE determined to help kick cancer’s ass.
    Considerer recently posted…Ten Things of Thankful #71My Profile

    1. Yes, it was very much awesome! The only thing I love more than crab . . . is more crab. YUM!!

      The pic at the end, I never met her but I’ve enjoyed sharing the blogosphere with her sister for the last few years. She a wonderful woman and a nurse and she has shared quite a bit about the passing of her sister, so much so that I feel like I know her. There hasn’t been a depressing or negative word posted about her passing. Everything has been a celebration of her life and I think it speaks very highly of who she was.
      opticynicism recently posted…I love you assholes!!My Profile

  2. Wow, you’re like a 6 yr old girl on her birthday! I mean uh, hope it was grand.
    Penis cake rules!
    Joy Christi recently posted…That Cubicle LifeMy Profile

    1. And I didn’t throw one single temper tantrum! But the weekend ain’t over. 😉
      opticynicism recently posted…I love you assholes!!My Profile

  3. Hilarious!! And also happy belated birthday!! 🙂
    Alanna recently posted…Stumbling Upon your Ex’s Baby Registry. And Other Things That Make You Vomit.My Profile

    1. Thank you!! And thanks for stopping in! I hope you’ll stick around.
      opticynicism recently posted…I love you assholes!!My Profile

      1. Definitely will! I’ve read 3 posts so far and I’ve been histerically laughing for about 20 minutes. My neighbors probably think I’m going insane.

        1. I love you so much right now!

            • Alanna on October 26, 2014 at 4:01 pm

            Wow, that’s such a coincidence because I love you too right now… See you tomorrow at 7:30 with my laundry 🙂

            bahaha
            Alanna recently posted…Stumbling Upon your Ex’s Baby Registry. And Other Things That Make You Vomit.My Profile

    • Margot on October 26, 2014 at 9:17 pm
    • Reply

    Wow. You really got the royal treatment for your birthday. Now I feel even more justified in calling you names constantly, and see also that I am in good company. It would seem that only the classiest of women call you a bastard. Speaking of which, Liz seems like the absolute best friend ever.

    Women (and Darren?) of the UK: Consider yourselves warned! Eric is on his way bearing sloppy, gas inducing bear hugs. Lets just hope he’s cleaned the drawn butter off of his face and clothing.

    1. Yes, Liz pretty much saved my ass a couple of months ago and I wouldn’t be in the semi state of sanity that I’m in at the moment if it weren’t for her.

      And I plan on showering before I go to England. I’m not going to France for cryin’ out loud.
      opticynicism recently posted…The Incontinence PandemicMy Profile

  4. I missed your birthday? A pox on my house!! remember when sarcasm wasn’t an acceptable form of humor so all cards were boring and plain? Thank god for human progress.
    Ronnie recently posted…1990 was 24 years ago people!!!My Profile

    1. We need to get Cassandra and Momus to get that card business going again.

  5. Eurgh, so I’m back at work which I hate but in front of a computer way more which means I can catch up on the blogs which I love so it’s not all bad. First, I love Liz’s card! Great minds think alike and all that! Second, you may hug me but I do not fart. Or if I did it would probably sound like angels playing the harp and smell like Chanel No.5… That’s a stone cold fact, my friend. Glad you had such a fab day!

    1. But it’s SOOO good to have you back!! And don’t lie, everybody farts. Holding it in will kill you. Let the angels and Chanel fly!!!

    • Denise on October 28, 2014 at 1:32 pm
    • Reply

    Ha! Ha! You’re old.

    1. Laugh it up, Margaret …. We’re chasin’ each other around the old folks home.

        • Margot on October 28, 2014 at 2:34 pm
        • Reply

        I’m surprised and a little disappointed that you didn’t take me up on my offer to send you a senior discount McDonalds coffee cup to match mine. I really wanted to be senior BFFs. I hope you’ll at least think of me when you drink that coffee. *sigh*

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