Nov 29 2014

It’s Black and Blue Saturday Everyone!!

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So how many of you went shopping yesterday?  Go ahead, admit it.  I won’t judge.  (Mentally judges anyway)

YOU MUST BE OUT YO’ DAMN MIND!!

When the doors open at WalMart and it makes the events in Ferguson, MO look like a lame street fair, we have a problem.

I’ve begged. Pleaded. Protested.

For the love of God, outlaw Black Friday.  At the very least, make it an online only event, but what do they do?  They decide to start it on Thursday.  Let’s allow more time for people to beat each other senseless for an iPad.

You could give away free 100″ TV’s with a bonus supply of hookers, my ass is still stayin’ home.  Or going to work, which is what I did.  I made money yesterday.  I spent not one dime.  I didn’t even buy gas.

It was the day after Thanksgiving, so I pretty much had gas.

You’re welcome.

Well, enjoy that new TV.  It’ll look a lot better when the swelling in your eye goes down.

Remember, back in the day, when Thanksgiving was all about eating too much, herding children to little tiny tables, getting drunk and fueling our hatred for family gatherings?  That’s the true meaning of Thanksgiving.  Giving thanks that that shit only happened once a year.  It was a win if crazy Uncle Bob still had his pants on at the end of the day.

Not to be all negative about it.  It was a good Thanksgiving this year.  Liz and Norman made all kinds of food, including a 19 lb turkey, dressing, gravy, mashed taters, green bean casserole and there was pies and Norman made a breakfast casserole and Holy Jesus there are work lunches in there well into 2015.

Football played loudly on the TV.  I spent much of the day upstairs on the Xbox playing online with my son who was spending Thanksgiving alone.  Eating Taco Bell.

Don’t be sad.  That is the preferred method of celebrating Thanksgiving around my family.  He was beside himself with glee and repeatedly gave thanks for it.

Which gets me to my other excuse for not being around much.  It’s a shitty excuse, I’ll grant you that but when you know that my writing for the general public cherry got popped in the video game industry, you’ll understand.  It’s an addiction I have no desire to recover from.

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Far Cry 4 came out.  It’s the closest thing to crack on a disc you’re gonna get.  It has people I can shoot in the face.  It has elephants I can ride and cause mayhem on.  It has shit I can set on fire, blow up and not give one single fuck ever.

IT HAS BOOBIES!!!

It’s fun for the whole family.

Also, how many of you bought this game for your kid and didn’t know it had boobies and the liberal use of the word “fuck” and I’ve even run across a C-bomb?

How many of you just went to yank it from the Christmas pile?

It’s ok.  You can tell your kids it was my fault.  I can take it.

Also tell them I said “Sorry kid . . . but GOT DAMN this game is fun!!”  Then they’ll be all mad at me and the heat will be off of you.

My son is 19.  He can buy it has damn self.  He’ll also agree with me on the fun part.

But there is another thing I’m working on too and it is a much better excuse.  It’s not ready to roll yet but give it about a week and the official launch will be announced and a lot of you are going to like this. . .

I will be a source through which you can self-host your blogs!!  You guys tired of being restricted by WP and Blogger?  You ready to drop the excess crap from your domain name and own the name yourself?  You ready to have someone you know and love and follow and wish you could be like to help you get it set up and maintained?  (You better know I was talking about me there!)

You will be able to purchase your domain name, webspace and hosting directly through me.  I’m getting the details nailed down and will have the web link for you to use and all that stuff in about a week.  Maybe two, but I’m shooting for a week.  Then for all you fabulous folks that want to self-host, you can just come to me and I will Set. You. Up.

And then you can tell all your friends how goddamn awesome I am and send them my way too!!  It’s a win/win!!  Buy yourself the gift that keeps on giving.  A self-hosted blog.  You won’t be sorry.

One more thing, it has taken me FAR too long to do this as I should have done it weeks ago, but please welcome Alanna from White Girls Be Like . . .  to my sidebar listing.  She is funny and awesome and she added me to her Funny Blog Friday peeps and I think that’s really cool.  Go check her out and leave her some love.  Just, clean up after yourself, would ya?!

That’s all I got for today, but head on over to Denise’s house and check up on her Part II Dating Advice interview with me for some more laughs and enjoy the rest of your weekend!

And put some ice on that eye.


Text of the Holiday goes to my good friend Ashley’s mom.  She knows how Thanksgiving should be celebrated!!

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Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/11/black-blue-saturday-everyone/

1 comment

  1. WHOOT! SO much goodness going on here 😀
    Considerer recently posted…Ten Things of Thankful #76My Profile

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