Nov 01 2014

Parkas in Hell

hell-3-630x472This is for everyone, but for those of you that started out with me 3 years ago, this will hold a special place in your heart.  The posts about my father used to be cult favorites and many of you asked for more.  I don’t live there anymore, so the stories are harder to find.  But apparently, he’s reaching out!

My father . . . the one who lives in his little office in the basement of the house.  The one who has repeatedly said ALL of the following:

  • “Facebook is stupid”
  • “I don’t do that social networking shit”
  • “You’ll never see me on that stupid Facebook shit”
  • Several others that vary with alcohol intake

Suffice it to say that no way in hell was my dad ever going to be on Facebook.  Not ever in life, ever even once ever.  That shit was stupid and beneath him and was something to be left to all of us bottom-dwellers . . . that like, talk to people and shit.

Then I had the scariest fucking Halloween thing happen.  It was freaky.  CHILLS I’m telling you!!

This happened:

hellznawdad

That was totally not Photoshopped.  Apparently Facebook knows.

I can’t . . .

Really??

Noooooooooooo, somebody is fuckin’ with me . . .

Really??

shit.

Then I made a Facebook post about it.

Because irony is friggin’ awesome.

That in and of itself was postworthy, so please enjoy.

FBPost

So, if you get an invite from him, feel free to accept.  You must agree with the following things:

  • Him
  • Anything that is anti-Obama
  • Him
  • Beer

I wish you the best of luck.

I see a therapist weekly.  I’m just sayin.


Facebook Post of the Day comes from Denise once again, and HOLY SHIT I thank all you peeps that invited me into your blogger homes this week!!  I love ALL you guys!!  Please stop in and see the Sisterwives and White Girls Be Like during your travels!!

But yeah, Denise.  This was fun and funny and can’t goddamn WAIT to do another post with her!!

She apparently, completes me.

FBF

 

Permanent link to this article: http://www.opticynicism.com/2014/11/parkas-hell/

23 comments

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  1. I wish you luck, my friend. I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL my parents will never be Facebookers.

    1. I may have to move over there with you now. I can sleep on the couch, and you’ll have an amazingly clean kitchen.
      opticynicism recently posted…Parkas in HellMy Profile

    • Denise on November 1, 2014 at 9:32 am
    • Reply

    You had me at “Sup?”

    1. You had me when you forgot to zip your pants.
      opticynicism recently posted…Parkas in HellMy Profile

    • Lisa on November 1, 2014 at 11:46 am
    • Reply

    My god, it would appear we lead identical lives where fathers are concerned (and he is always concerned…. Good lord nothing can happen that he doesn’t have an opinion on or takes it upon himself to worry about) I digress… All of your posts about your dad ring true, they are like two peas in a fucked up pod.

    I also got a Facebook request from my father. I sat there like a goddamn cartoon character with a balloon above their head with a “?” And WTF in it.
    I tell you now man, don’t do it! I get all sorts of shit on my news feed about WWII and tractors. WTF.

  2. There was a support group for us but it had to be disbanded due to the sharp increase in the alcoholism statistics.
    opticynicism recently posted…Parkas in HellMy Profile

    • Kim on November 1, 2014 at 1:50 pm
    • Reply

    Bwahaha. That is some seriously funny shit!

    As you already know my mom is also on Facebook and sometimes it scares me. But, at least she’s better than my cranky old curmudgeon of a father.
    Kim recently posted…NaBloPoMo. Again.My Profile

    1. Yeah, your mom was about ready to go off on me I think. My sense of humor requires more prep time.
      opticynicism recently posted…Parkas in HellMy Profile

  3. Now I want to go back and find your dad posts.
    Cassandra recently posted…Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop: Save It For The SummitMy Profile

    1. I think they’re all on the Top 20 posts page, or just search the “My father” tag.

  4. I may have to friend you on facebook because this is hilarious. Also because I’m mentioned here and I should probably learn how to keep tabs on that. Thanks for the shoutout! 🙂
    Alanna recently posted…Funny Blog Friday!! #FBFMy Profile

    1. By all means, friend away!!

      1. Okay, sweet. Hopefully I find the real you because I’ve had issues with that before. Sometimes I friend total strangers and then they get freaked out when I’m like, “HEY! I found you!!”
        Alanna recently posted…Funny Blog Friday!! #FBFMy Profile

        1. You found the right one!

  5. Sucesssssss
    Alanna recently posted…Funny Blog Friday!! #FBFMy Profile

    • Margot on November 3, 2014 at 12:37 am
    • Reply

    So…did you accept the friend request? I know it would be bad for your mental health, sobriety, etc., but think of the potential blog posts. C’mon! You know your stuff about your dad is some of your very best…pretty please?

    1. I have not accepted it this far. I am not willing to open my FB wall up to the anti-Obama spam it would have to endure.

  6. Thank the dear Lord up above my mom is scared to death of computers and all things technical, and therefore does NOT own a computer. She would kill me if she heard my fucking language.
    Teri recently posted…I used to know where my stuff was….My Profile

  7. worst day of my life was when my dad discovered facebook.

    Not because he is funny or and arsehole or anything. But because he friended my kids and they stopped posting shit that I could blackmail them about.
    kelley @ magnetoboldtoo recently posted…The cake of disappointmentMy Profile

    1. If only that was all I worried about. Awesome to see you here, Kelley!!

  8. Seriously dude you are hilarious…. that is a compliment. 🙂
    Serins recently posted…Wacky Wednesday: Serenity slays secret spiritsMy Profile

    1. Thank you so much! And thanks for comin’ around!

  9. Best of luck to ya, man. I’m really, really, really glad my folks stay off the grid! I just put all my blog friends in a group. It’s wrong to segregate, I know, but I really don’t want the real world knowing what the hell I’m doing!
    Sandy Ramsey recently posted…Word of the Day: VirusMy Profile

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