Jul 30 2011

Before you vote in 2012, drink heavily

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I’m gonna be brief tonight, for a couple of reasons.

For one thing, there is a fly in my house and he’s a total asshole.  I can’t kill him because he’s some kind of a ninja fly and he is immune to my Mister Miyagi chopsticks and he also has the ability to dematerialize just before coming in contact with a flyswatter, only to materialize again after it has passed.  This fly mocks me and I now have a mission tonight that requires I defeat him.  He’s also the loudest fly ever.  He also landed on the edge of my drink and I think I took a sip after he had done so from the same spot so I probably have salmonella now.  It is a poor excuse for slacking on the writing, but it’s not the only one which leads me to . . .

You people apparently have lives on the weekend.  WordPress is kind enough to provide me with stats that let me know how many visits I get on any given day and where you are referred from and that kind of stuff.  Now that 3 weeks or so have passed by I see one distinct trend.  You folks get all illegitimate on the weekends, er, no wait . . . illiterate.  You may be illegitimate too, I don’t know, I’m not here to judge.  Either way, I know this gives me a little room to take it easy on the weekend because really, there just aren’t many of you around.

So this weekend, I’m making my store.

I’ve got a lot of ideas and I’ve got Photoshop all fired up and ready to go.  Soon, tens of people across the land will proudly display their Opticynicism merchandise.  It’s pretty empty right now, but the stock will grow over the weekend and continue growing as the blog does.  Besides, one of these days I might get lucky.  I could probably support a family on the goldmine Jenny hit with that damn chicken.

Someday I want to find my chicken.

As my introductory item, I’m going to offer up some love on my post on gay marriage with my bid for the Presidency in 2012.

It will make your beer more tasty, this, I pledge to you as your next President of the United States!

So please check it out and give a brother a chance at the Presidency.  Or at least help him make his car payment.  You’ll love this mug.  Just imagine the hours and hours of drinking pleasure it will bring you.

Are you imagining? Well DO it!

<——-Then click that sucker and go get one.  Get two.  Get enough for a 12 person setting and add a little spice to your next dinner party.  Because nothing says elegance and class like a frosted beer mug with the word “bitch” on it.

So I’m a sappy sonofagun and I make you wanna puke with all my Sappy McSappiness.  Well don’t puke on your carpet  and cause a stain . . . buy one of my mugs and catch it before it gets on your carpet.  My mug is dishwasher safe.

See what I did there?

Enjoy your weekend!!

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Facebook post of the day:

This was a pic posted by my friend Greta.  She took our good friend Deanna to Myrtle Beach, SC for the weekend to celebrate her finishing the bar exam this week.  Congratulations Dee!  We all know you kicked it’s ass!

A sign they found in a WalMart in Myrtle Beach . . . and Dee getting used to be called the ass of the month. Lawyer jokes begin . . . NOW!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2011/07/before-you-vote-in-2012-drink-heavily/

2 comments

    • Teri B on July 30, 2011 at 9:20 am
    • Reply

    I sure hope you got that fly! I hate them! I have to disinfect after I know one has been the house. I clorox wipe the hell out of everything. My family calls me a “Clean Freak” maybe I have a little OCD too? I think I am caught up now on all your posts. This week has been CRAZY! Thanks for the help with the ipod touch. I might have to call you next week to find an easier way to download songs. This is a PITA! Keep the funny coming!! Hugs!

    1. Tiger finally got the fly, which he decided to announce loudly at 3 in the morning. As for songs, there are “other” ways to download songs, this does not necessarily make them easier but I will do what I can.

      I think all your new neighbors in Texas should come over to admire your Eric for President mugs. I’m just sayin’.

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