Jul 08 2011

Introducing “Dear Eric: Your Horribly Dysfunctional Advice Columnist”

pretty-much-sums-up-of-the-actual-advice-mallard-memes-67905

I’ve been writing for years, for all kinds of audiences but this is my first journey into the world of blogging and I’m feeling a whole bunch of pressure.  The pressure is totally of my own creation and I’m sure I am not alone in knowing that I am my own worst critic.  My biggest problem is that I sit down with the laptop in front of me, look at the blank box that the post goes in and think, “I got nothin'”.

What do you do when you pretty much did nothing noteworthy that day and nothing happened?  I haven’t been at this long enough to have a “rainy day” folder with a bunch of posts that I have started and never ran to the end with.  I have a notepad file that I have tapped some ideas onto for later use, but I keep forgetting what I named the file and keep losing it.  I need to make a note to remind myself where I put the note to remind myself about shit is.

So I turned to my friends.

me:  “C’mon guys.  Gimme something.  I’m out of ideas.”

friends:  “What are you asking us for?  We’re the ones sitting here waiting on you to come up with stuff.”

me:  *sigh*

I’ll be the first one to admit that when pressed with the task to think of something interesting to share with the world, my brain turns into that static you see on TV when they cut your cable off.  I have to be fed an idea.  It doesn’t have to be much.  It can be some offhand comment the cashier at the convenience store said to me or a piece of junk mail I got that day.  Sometimes the best rants start with a simple text message from a buddy.  Many times, it comes from you folks.  Those of you out there who are either twisted enough to come back to see what gem I came up with today or have been arm twisted into coming here by one of your friends who is still recovering from the aneurism they got from reading the Craigslist posts are going to be my greatest source of material.

It is your trials and tribulations, your needs and desires, your worries and phobias that gives me shit to make fun of.  I will be your comedic adviser.  Think of me as your totally full of shit “Dear Abby” or “Ask Amy” or whatever advice columnist you have in your area.  The only difference between myself and those columnists is that I am admitting up front that I am full of shit.  So, if you have the nerve, send me your troubles and  once a week I’ll make a post with the best handful of questions I get along with my wise and probably not felonious answers.

Your anonymity and privacy will be respected.  As far as you know.

Send me your troubles:  opticynicism(AT)gmail(DOT)com

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My favorite Facebook post of the day:

My brother is “special”.

Even your simplest posts can fall victim to my brother and I.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2011/07/introducing-dear-eric-your-horribly-dysfunctional-advice-columnist/

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