I get it

I am lost in depression at the moment and I struggle to get through each and every day.  I have friends to support me and I will be ok, but today I have to post.  I have another friend who suffered from depression and he was a long time friend of mine.  We spent most of our teenage years together and we were inseparable for a while.

This is my buddy, Mike Nelson.  We used to spend the night at each others house.  We sat up all night long singing our favorite songs, and Mike was a talented bass player.

This morning, Mike posted on Facebook that it was his last day on earth.  He then put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

I would never do it.  I couldn’t do it.  I think he is a bastard for doing it.

But he is my friend, and I get it.  Sometimes the pain just doesn’t stop, and I get it.

8 thoughts on “I get it

  1. My dear friend, I am so sorry that you’re experiencing such heartbreak. I’ve had several losses like this and it’s extremely hard… so much anguish and so much anger, and so much guilt and confusion.

    You did all you could, please know that. We can’t stop everything no matter how hard we try. I hope that he is able to find peace, and that you and his friends and family can find healing in your own time.

    I offer you love, friendship and many hugs.

  2. Been there and wanted to do that. They sent the cops over to my place when i told a friend there was no point after my wife asked for a divorce and said i was never going to see my kids. They were laughing as they kicked in the door, saying shit like, “always wanted to do that”…. But seven years later, I’m in a new relationship (if you can count four years as new still) and things are much brighter. The first year was hell and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

    I’m so sorry your friend couldn’t find a way through the darkness or find someone to share that burden. The easy way out as they call it isn’t easy on anyone left behind.

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. It must be very hard to deal with something like that.. I hope that you are able to overcome your depression as well, I’ve missed reading your posts, and have been worried about you. Take care of you.

  4. Eric,
    My heart goes out to you. The death of loved one is never easy but it is especially painful when it’s done by their own hand. I ache thinking about the pain and despair your friend must have been feeling to decide that the only escape was a permanent one. My best friend’s mom committed suicide our senior year in high school. That was 10 years ago and we still question what we could have done, what she could have done, what anyone could have done to prevent it. As Cowboy Joe said, what is seen as the easy way out is not easy on anyone left behind. My thoughts are with you and with your friend.

    Q.

  5. You’re in my thoughts and prayers Eric. One of my favorite authors is Spider Robinson. This quote from him helps me when I hurt: “Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased.” I realize we don’t KNOW each other beyond this blog, but don’t hesitate to share your pain with me (and your other online friends). You’re right, sometimes the pain doesn’t stop … but it reminds us we’re alive to fight on. Hang in there my friend.

  6. Hey Eric –
    Pretty shitty thing for me to pop my head in and see, but I know you’ll get past it. I’m not going to waste your eyeballs typing all the same stuff everyone else has said, but I hope things elsewhere are going well for you. It has certainly been a while, better be taking care of yourself old man.

    -tcmr

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