Sep 27 2014

Saturday Random Shit AKA: Bloggers-Block ADD

This coincides with my brother's theory that pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

This coincides with my brother’s theory that pickles are just cucumbers soaked in evil.

Saturday.  Day off.  Day of rest.  I ignored my therapist and slept til 1:00 today.

To all the parents and mom and dad bloggers out there that read, it was AWESOME!  You’re welcome.

My brilliant idea for the weekend was to write 3 or 4 posts and save them in draft so I’d have some stuff “in the queue” to post during the week when I get home from work and don’t feel like doing shit.  The problem is that I wound up with bloggers block and couldn’t think of one good idea for a post today, but I could think of about 1000 things that were just randomly funny but didn’t warrant an entire blog.

I’ve also got a list of people that I’m adding to the blog roll over there that deserve some props and I haven’t done that in a while, so I’m going to do that tonight as well.  I’ve neglected that lately and for that I apologize and I’ve been commenting on their blogs and they are probably all like “who the fuck are you?” and stuff, so I’m gonna wave and say hi.

Also, if you haven’t read yesterday’s post yet, please do that and help me out.  I’m still looking for more suggestions to help me screw with The Boy.

So let’s get to the random.  Try and stay with me here, ’cause this might get a little messy . . . .

The Goddamn DMV happened again

Yep, that 30 days is almost up and it was time to get shit done, so there I was:

 IMG_0640Sad.  Very very sad.

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Trapped in the third circle of hell.  Two hours I waited.  They even let me leave work early so I could get here.  Finally got to the counter not much before 5:00 when they close.   Know what I accomplished?  Go ahead, guess.

NOT ONE FUCKING THING!!

Yep, that’s right.  Two hours all to get to the counter and be told that my fathers signature was ONCE AGAIN, in the wrong place.  That’s right.  The line they TOLD me to have him sign the last time, was wrong.

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So even though I have his signature on the form, they won’t accept it because it is off by two fucking inches, and therefore I still cannot have a Florida tag.

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Also, the DMV lady was mean and hateful and had no remorse whatsoever that she had wasted yet another 2 hours in the 2 months I’ve been trying to get this done and even though I had the signature where they TOLD me to put it, there was not even an insincere apology for the inconvenience.

So I stole that bitches pen.

photo

So I was given yet another 30 day tag and sent on my way.  Angry and out into yet another monsoon at rush hour, 6 miles from home which was going to take about 45 minutes.  I suppose it was a good thing that it was humid and raining like hell because my windows were all fogged up and my middle finger was sore by the time I got home.

I will totally not be forging his signature this time.

Probably.

Speaking of the weather . . .

It is yet another beautiful Saturday in Florida.

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I went to the grocery store today . . .

 . . .three times.  This morning (you know, after 1:00) I wanted eggs and bacon.  We were out of eggs.  I went to get more.  Without my wallet.  So there’s two trips.  Then later I ran out of coffee creamer.  They did not have what I wanted and I knew this because whatever communist runs Winn Dixie has decided that they will not carry the peppermint mocha.  They will, however, offend my senses with this:

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Cut me some goddamn holiday slack already!  Also, what the hell is this??

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Is Mexican Chocolate different from regular chocolate?  Is it infused with jalapenos?  Did it smuggle itself across the border in the back of an unventilated panel van with 42 other chocolates?  Does it work for $7 an hour without bitching about it?  Who the fuck is that non-Mexican, old transvestite on the label?

I also totally forgot to snap a picture of the banana sale rack with the .69 sign on it so I could have a “insert your own penis joke here” image.

Welcome to my head.  I told you it was weird in here.

I got the mail today

There was nothing in there for any of us, but this came:

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I don’t know who named you, but I’m sorry Sir or Ma’am.  Also, we have your phone bill.

That also reminded me of this:

Zazzle rules!

A picture I used in one of my more popular posts about Craigslist with the lovely Denise.

Speaking of Denise . . .

I know many of you have heard of St. Baldrick’s Foundation to cure childhood cancer.  Denise is in a competition with her friend to see which of them can get the most donations, so if you are so inclined to donate to this well known organization and cause, even if it’s only $5, please donate at this link https://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/733711/2015 and enter your name as “Denise’s Friend” so she gets credit for it.  She will appreciate it and you’ll be giving to a good cause as well.

Speaking of shit that reminds me of old, popular posts . . .

I found this on the intranetz today and made it a point to post it on Facebook because it was relevant to my earlier childhood trauma inflicted upon me by my father:

veganightmare

I talked about this very incident in one of my fan favorite posts about my father and the clueless way in which he inflicted misery into our young lives.  This is the link to the original article on the inflatable back seat.

Speaking of fans . . .

Cassandra at The Next Delusion made me feel all warm and fuzzy with this tweet the other day:

That was a very nice thing for her to do and I got a couple more followers as a result, so thanks Cassandra!

Wrap up of random shit that went through my head today that I don’t have images for . . . 

I have seen more rain in the last week than I saw in the entire three years I lived in Colorado.  I’ll not lose sleep over wildfires here.

Just having a text conversation with Denise while simultaneously writing this post gave me a couple of ideas for more posts, so look forward to hearing about rotten vaginas and farting greasy Chinese food in the future.  I know you’re just trembling with excitement right now.

Oh, wait, I do have another image.  I found the perfect wallpaper for my other phone the other day . . .

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It has naked chicks AND looks like a skull.  It’s a win/win.  The wallpaper on my phone does not include the censored bars, but I think the Amazon advertising thing I agreed to had some “anti-tit” rules so I have to keep it clean.  -ish.  Also, a lot of women read this blog and I don’t want to drive anyone away.  Although I suppose I could have gone to the trouble of finding images of those small round bandaids in support of @qwertygirl’s new method of nipple camouflage.

I have seen more rain since I typed the previous statement about rain than I saw the entire three years I lived in Colorado, which is stressing me out because given how much time I’ve spent at the DMV, I don’t even want to know how long it will take me to register a boat here.

I need to find me some humor bloggers that live in Tampa, so we can get together and start a gang and terrorize restaurants and adult bookstores and throw around our middle finger gang sign.

This post had a lot of pictures in it and I apologize to those of you with slow computers.

I’m done with the random shit

Ok, that is seriously enough of my weird ass brain for today.  I’ve got to get on with the blogger love because it is way overdue.  The tough part about this is that the more new, hilarious people I meet, the more new ones I find.  Trying to keep up with them is almost impossible without putting them in my sidebar and giving me a list to click my way down every evening.  The fact is, they are all just so awesome that I don’t want to miss anything from any of them.  So instead of introducing each one individually, I’m just going to point out all the new ones here and tell you that they are all awesome and you won’t be disappointed by any of them.  Each one is a link to their blog followed by a link to their Twitter.  So follow ’em, read ’em and enjoy!

First the new Dudes:

Papa Does Preach – The Ramblings of a Father Just Making It Up as I Go Along @Papa _Preaches
27b/6 – Go Away @27bslash6
Don of all Trades – Master of None @The_DOAT

And the ladies:

The Process – Parenting, Writing, Gaming @triplemare
The Real VD – Where the stories are always entertaining or your money back @IamtherealVD
When Crazy Meets Exhaustion – My attempt at adult conversation @CrazyExhaustion
Something Clever 2.0 – Excellent at complaining @JennSmthngClvr
Mom’s Who Drink and Swear – A collection of profanity laced thought bombs @queenofcussin
Snarkfest – Thoughts from a totally snarktastic mom @SnarkfestBlog
Megsanity – Women, psychology and expletives @megsanitypsych

Check them all out . . . you won’t be sorry!

Till next time, Peace!

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Facebook Post of the Day from my old childhood friend from way back in the day, Mark:

seedlesswatermelon

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2014/09/saturday-random-shit-aka-bloggers-block-add/

15 comments

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    • Denise on September 28, 2014 at 12:03 am
    • Reply

    Chocolate jalapeno creamer sounds delicious! I would buy that in bulk.

    1. You’re odd, but I love you anyway.
      opticynicism recently posted…Saturday Random Shit AKA: Bloggers-Block ADDMy Profile

  1. Oh, Mexican chocolate is a beautiful thing. I make hot chocolate using a piece of Mexican chocolate melted in milk for my son and it is the best hot chocolate you will ever have. Soooo good.

    Thanks for the shout out!
    Cassandra recently posted…Urban Outfitters Saves the WorldMy Profile

    1. You are not the only one to tell me this today. When Crazy Meets Exhaustion said the same thing. Looks like I’m going to have to give it a chance.
      opticynicism recently posted…Saturday Random Shit AKA: Bloggers-Block ADDMy Profile

  2. My husband travels a lot. I have forged his signature on so many things I doubt his real one would actually be accepted. Most people think he is an anti social DB as when they say they need him to sign something I tell them he is in the car and I’ll be right back.

    1. I’m going to stick with the legal ambiguity that it’s not technically forgery if you have the persons permission, and I’m thinking I have it since when I called him up he said “Just forge it for cryin’ out loud”.
      opticynicism recently posted…Saturday Random Shit AKA: Bloggers-Block ADDMy Profile

    • Don on September 28, 2014 at 5:37 pm
    • Reply

    That’s a lot to that in my friend (that’s what she said?). I resort to random posts all the time because my brain don’t work so good no more. Thanks for the shout out! I’ll try not to be as lame as I normally am now.
    Don recently posted…Lick’n lunch with the boys…My Profile

    1. Are you kidding?! Licking the lunchmeat was blogger gold! Thanks for stopping in!

  3. Whoa that was about multiple topics! I can’t even remember them all! Except the DMV… it is a horrid place and I hate to go there. But sometimes you can find a little chinsey one that not many people know about, and it is a little better!
    Also people probably already said this, but I am pretty sure Mexican chocolate does have some sort of hot peppers in it. One time I bought a Mexican-style chocolate bar at some little tourist store when I was with my roommate’s little kids, and I split it up among them as a treat. Imagine my surprise when they all started gagging and spitting the chocolate out!
    Angel The Alien recently posted…Necesito Dinero!My Profile

    1. The gagging and spitting, yeah, that’s what I was afraid of!

  4. If you stole my pen I’d have to cut a bitch. And by a bitch I mean you. *whips out uh… metal nail file. close enough*
    Sarah (est. 1975) recently posted…the wall full of waterMy Profile

    1. LOL, yeah, I kinda played that like a badass, didn’t I? Truth is, it was unintentional.

      But I didn’t feel bad about it, so yeah, it was kinda badass -ish.
      opticynicism recently posted…Saturday Random Shit AKA: Bloggers-Block ADDMy Profile

  5. I totally understand what you mean when you say the more blogs you learn about, the MORE and MORE blogs you find and love. Thanks so much for the blogging love and now that I’ve found you, I’ll never quit you!
    Teri recently posted…It’s the little things….My Profile

    1. Thank you, Teri!! That just made my day!
      opticynicism recently posted…Friday Night Twitter: The Red Light DistrictMy Profile

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