Wen Selph-Confidense gows rong

mmmmHmmm.  You know das right!
mmmmHmmm. You know das right!

I’ve spent some time on Twitter.  It’s not a secret.  It’s pretty much the Red-Light District of the internet and almost anything goes.  Almost.  Apparently even Twitter has standards.

I actually ran across this individual because of a Facebook post, so I immediately went to investigate it for myself.  Because it was too funny to leave alone, and thank God I did.  Because Twitter locked her account.  The SECOND account Twitter has locked on her.

For those of you that don’t troll Twitter and see what people can actually get away with, let me just tell you that if you get two accounts locked, it may be time to seek professional help.  Aside from the professional help most of the people on Twitter already need.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Charlotte.  Yep, that’s her up in the title image and that may or may not be her real name and it is not either one of her now defunct Twitter names.  She is a young, VERY self-confident young  . . . . person.  She’s also very confused and twisted.  She’s not black.  She’s not white.  She’s “light skinned”.

God, I can’t even describe it myself.  I’ll let her do it.  Even still, you won’t know where her patriotism lies.  It’s a twisted web of OH MY GAWD, REALLY??

People of America, this is your future.

Not that you don’t already know what is ahead.  I mean, she misspelled Michigan.  It’s on every goddamn license plate in the state.  I’m thinking she may have seen one.  There may have been one on a car she stole.  In any event, “Mishagin”?  Hell, I lived there and I hated the place, but “Hell” was much easier to spell.

I’ve blocked out her Twitter name, which now seems useless since the account is locked, but here we go anyway.  Have fun or lose faith in humanity like I did . . .


I’m not black, but I’m calling bullshit.


Where do I even START??  “Nate of American Indians”???  Holy Balls.  Um, sister . . . if you mean Native American Indians . . . yeah, they kinda own the place.  They were here first and would probably suggest you carry your ass back to wherever your family came from and stand in the sun too long.  Unless you are talking about the guy that owns the 7-11 in your neighborhood and his name is Nate, and Nate is actually kind of a dick, then MAYBE, but otherwise, you’re killin’ me.




To most people, this is a month long, heartbreaking and emotional decision.  To her it’s on her “to do” list.

  1. Tweet about abortion.
  2. Make sure I do hair and makeup.
  3. Take a selfie.
  4. Get abortion.
  5. Have some nachos.
  6. Continue to Tweet.


Had to post these in a row, because well . . .  because.  White people apparently suck.  Black people apparently suck.  According to sun exposure, she is neither.  Her mom is INDEAN.

Who is Dean and is he ok with her mom being inside him?


Ok, wait, so she’s definitely not white.  Because white people stole land from Nate of Americans, who apparently belong here and not in India anymore.

Did she even stop to think that maybe NATE WAS A DICK!!

We stole guns from the Germans, fuck off.

Pita bread?  What the fuck?

Shut up.  I’m supirriea.


The entire Western Hemisphere is collectively laughing its ass off right now.


I LOVES me some breffis!  Especially when there is some sasich involved!


I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess that Sammy Soapsud did NOT approve of this endorsement.  I can’t imagine he’s ever said “You fucking dark skins, with all your damn sun exposure ‘n shit!”


If you don’t have creative expreshin, ya got nothin’.


We should also ban stupid people from video games, but take out the Asians and the stupid people and there’s like 7 people left.  They’re all under 12 years old and just learned the word “dick”.  Happy gaming!!


So now we come down to it.  She’s not black.  She’s not white.

But she’s black.  She is outdone by white men who are least enrolled.

Just throwing this out there, but maybe spelling was an issue.

Then, in the same breath, one Tweet after another, brag about stealing laundry, then wonder why property values drop.  Us white folk should remember what we’ve done and STOLD.

But wait, she’s not black, so stealing laundry doesn’t count when she does it.


Guess what!  I found a couple black people that have money and live in nice neighborhoods!  They’re even my friends!  Guess why . . . .

They earned it.

Don’t ever sit on your lazy, uneducated ass and think you know about the world because your life on 8 mile road taught you all your life lessons.  The only thing stopping you from being successful, is YOU!



This is the last one, and I planned it this way because apparently now she’s black.

All I can say is, thank you.  Thank you, Twitter!!  Twitter has actually restored some of my faith in humanity that they put a stop to this.

This is hate.  This is racism.  THIS. IS. IGNORANCE.

But she only made the account to show off her dance moves.  Please enjoy.


[EDIT 11/8/2014 12:25pm:  Denise texted me this morning and wanted me to clear a few things up about her comment and because it’s Denise and therefore hysterical, I’m sharing the text with you.


Look forward to some co-shitting in the near future.


So we can hold hands.  It’s how shit gets done, Yo!


Facebook Post of the Day . . . well, it’s from Denise, but it was passed down the line and I think it’s awesome:


21 thoughts on “Wen Selph-Confidense gows rong

  1. um, okay… what is really weird is all those re-tweets and favorites in the top pictures, I mean can you believe that? I get maybe one or two… and my tweets rock! Seriously! Is this what it takes to get noticed?

    1. I’d like to think that as well, Cassandra. Unfortunately I’ve spent some time in and around Detroit (on the actual 8 Mile Road even) and people like this do exist.

      I even work with one. You know him as #myidiotcoworker. You should hear his views on homosexuality. It would make you cringe.

  2. Haaaahahahaha! That was worth the wait. Bitch be cray-cray and cray-cray be funny as shit! So because I’m fair skinned and avoid the sun, she approves, but I’m white and not just light skinned so I’m an evil white person? If I got a little tan, would that be ok? Or would that mean I’m trying to steal her culture, ya know, being indean. I don’t know who this Dean is, but he sounds like a whore. Do you think she met him at the abortion clinic picking up chicks?

  3. Thank you for stalking this girl across the interwebs and catching all those tweets before they shut her down. I would have done the same thing, so it was nice to have someone else to do all the work. This was awesome! At first I thought that she couldn’t be a real person…then I thought about all those reality shows and other shows like Maury Povich which are so unbelievably popular, and which are what make me lose faith in humanity.

    I love your commentary and that picture of you is priceless. The dance video is so mesmerizing that I just watched it 8 times in a row and I’m not done yet. Thanks for the entertainment! Also loved the response to the homeofphobic dude from the masculine cookie baking man.

  4. I have a feeling that what you happened upon is a bona fide internet troll – the kind who posts outrageous content for the sake of hooking people in and pissing them off. There are TOO MANY things wrong with those tweets to be purely coincidence.

    People suck.

    1. That was my first inclination as well, Lizzi. A little further research into it and I found it not to be the case. Unfortunately there are people (far too many of them) that actually think this way. They want to be a victim when it suits them to be so. This mentality is more widespread than even I had imagined.

  5. I officially give up. I fear for the future. For blacks, for whites, for asains, for Nate of Americans and ESPECIALLY for indeans. Poor Deans, all up IN there.

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