Insert Lame Excuse Here



What does one say when they have vanished off the blogging globe for over 2 months, with long periods of the site being down during that time?

Nothing.  One says nothing, that’s what he says.

I’ve been trying to get and keep my life on track and it has flipped my circadian rhythm into a design similar to a hurricane on a bad acid trip.

I sleep during the day.  I sleep at night.  I work during the day.  I work at night.  Tomorrow my schedule is . . .

. . . who fuckin’ knows.

That’s the advantage/disadvantage to being an Uber driver.

Yes, I’m still an Uber driver.

No, I have not been hired on at the hospital as of yet and really don’t know when or if it will ever happen.  So I remain an Uber driver.  I make my own schedule.  I work only when I want to work.

Side note:  I NEVER want to work.  So I am frequently forced to tell my own ass to get to work in order to make money, to buy things like gas and tires and car washes, so I can go make more money to buy some more of that shit so I can make more money.

It’s a never-ending, depressing circle really.

In truth, I’m pretty happy with it.  I’m sober and clean and have been for nearly 8 months now and I feel pretty damn good.  I’m back at Liz’s house and have painted and designed my room into a nice little place that I really enjoy spending time in.  It’s all black and gray and blue.

And peaceful.

It’s a nice place to crawl into after a long night of dealing with drunken, asshole, self-absorbed, entitled people Uber customers.  It’s comforting and cool and my little corner of the planet.

Ok, so it’s not cool.  My room is the place that the air conditioner does not go, but I won’t bitch about that because it will make all of my friends from the North start shouting at me to go fuck myself and my first world air conditioner problems.

Yep.  I took that picture 4 days ago.  That's Nov. 5th for those of you that can't math.
Yep. I took that picture 4 days ago. That’s Nov. 5th for those of you that can’t math.

Florida has chosen not to participate in Fall this year.

Winter’s not looking too good either.

All in all, I love my little cave and I am convincing myself to spend more time in it, writing.  I’ve let myself slip away from writing and I need to not do that.

3 Shades of Gray, and a Splash of Blue  (I can't decide if that book title is too long or WAY not safe for work.)
3 Shades of Gray, and a Splash of Blue (I can’t decide if that book title is too long or WAY not safe for work.)

I’ve mentioned in the past how writing is therapy for me and it can be quite dangerous if I stop doing it.  On the upside, my time “Ubering” has me spending a lot of time with drunken idiots and it has served well to remind me why I don’t want to go back to that habit.

There is a reason “”drunken idiot” rolls right off the tongue and “drunken sweetheart” causes this face . . .


Exactly.  It just doesn’t happen.

[Completely random side note:  Does anybody else wonder why this guy doesn't just give those kids some lunch?  I mean, it doesn't look like he's missed a cheeseburger in a while.  Am I the only one?]
[Completely random side note:  Does anybody else wonder why this guy doesn’t just give those kids some lunch?  I mean, it doesn’t look like he’s missed a cheeseburger in a while.  Am I the only one?]
Drunk people are dicks.  Period.  Especially so when they think you are “serving them”.  As though my driving them home so they don’t get arrested somehow makes me their servant to do their bidding.

My cure for this attitude is that I am not opposed to dropping their ass off on the side of the freeway at 3:30 in the morning.  I am doing them a favor.  I am getting them home safely at a cost much cheaper than a taxi, and certainly cheaper than a DUI.  They will sit back there and behave themselves because they are on camera and their extreme state of dickness is being saved for posterity.  And legal reasons.


The sale of dash cams and pepper spray went up exponentially after this video went viral.

Beware drunken fools!!

Like any other customer service job, they aren’t all bad and some of them are even awesome.  This is why the ability to rate the passenger is such a good thing.  We know (somewhat) what kind of customer we are getting before we even go pick them up.


This is what I see when I am called to pick up a ride.  See that little 4.8 * down there?  That is the riders rating.  An average of what other drivers have given him or her.  Be a drunken asshole in my car, you will NOT have a 4.8 rating.

. . . and a word to the wise Uber rider, since there are many of you out there, an Uber driver must maintain a 4.6 rating MINIMUM or they will be deactivated.  It is a common consensus that if we have to have a 4.6, so do you, so if you find at some point that drivers have a habit of cancelling on you, it’s a safe bet you pissed off a driver or two, and we understand the rating system.

That said, most of us put up with a lot of shit before we’ll rate anyone lower than a 5, because we get it, so if a driver rates you a 3, you’re probably just shy of that asshole in that video up there.

That is your Uber lesson for the day.

Don’t be a dick.

I’m sure there will be more lessons in the future.  Don’t even get me started on the tipping issue, just DO IT.  You can tip your Uber 100% and STILL be cheaper than a cab, so you have no excuse.  We are not becoming independently wealthy doing this job.

I’ve rambled enough for today, but I just wanted to let everyone know that I was still around.  I will try to be around more often and I have been paying attention to you all.  I still read your blogs, I still follow you on Facebook and I still love the whole damn bunch of ya.  I know that Aussa quit her job and I will forever miss the tales of the Nut House.  I know Jeff has been schooling us on Panda Express and Chipotle.   I even wonder if Jeff’s WordPress is a dick about the word “chipotle” also.

So I’m here, I really am, and I’m doing really well.  It’s good to be back and I look forward to writing some more.  I’ve got shit to vent about and funny stories to relate as well.

In the meantime, please think about what a funny story my Uber ride with three trans-sexual strip club performers would be and what a shame that there is totally not a video of the entire 30 minute ride in my car.

See ya’ll soon!


14 thoughts on “Insert Lame Excuse Here

  1. Welcome back! LOTS of bloggers are looking to unplug and walk away. It’s good to do that once in a while. It’s necessary. As long as you come back to the peace.

    1. I’m not sure if it was an intentional break or not, but either way I guess I needed it. When I feel like I have to force myself to do it, then it is no longer the enjoyable therapy it should be, so it was apparently time to take a step back.

  2. That’s really interesting about customers having a rating. I like it. It actually makes sense and sort of evens the score between a normal service-based transaction. I can’t imagine the assholes you have to deal with.

    1. I was surprised to find out how many riders don’t even know they’re being rated as well. You can see the “Oh shit!” look on their face. Enjoy Colorado, Aussa. I loved it there.

  3. You’ve been missed! And I know I’m definitely looking forward to some crazy Uber stories. Your last line there about the three transsexuals sounds like the beginning of a joke. Three transsexuals got into an Uber car… 🙂

    1. It was the funniest 30 minutes I’ve had in quite a while. When the one in front sat up and straightened her skirt and said “My balls are hurting”, I almost lost it.

  4. So glad to hear you are doing well and glad to see that you are back in action. Love what you did in your room. I would recommend using some of that Uber cash to by yourself a window unit STAT.

    1. Thanks, Cassandra! The room is a work still in progress, but it is a very nice little cave for me as it stands. I’m trying to think of a way to cool it down some more without jacking up the electric bill. Given what I know of the HOA around here, a window unit is probably not allowed. They seem to be opposed to comfort and convenience. Our parking war with the HOA trundles on. (I’ve named the Wifi “ImParkedInYourDriveway”)

  5. It’s nice to have you back! I’m sorry the VA job didn’t work out, but I’m really glad that things are going so much better for you.

  6. Badass room decor, amigo. Also, good to know that stuff about Uber. Never tried it yet, but I’d probably get banned from the entire thing within minutes.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *