Oct 12 2017

Episode 3 – Top 20 Rules for Online Gaming

I’m revisiting an original post that was 11 years in the making, and to help me do it, I brought in my best bro and gaming buddy, Tom, to offer his advice and insight into this most important topic (to about 3 of you).  Whether you’re into it or not, the idea and the delivery is certainly fun with Tom’s help.



This is me and my good buddy Tom going through this Top 20 list that originally posted on June 28, 2011.  After you listen, go check out the original here!

Thank you for listening, guys and gals!  Please stop by iTunes and give me a 5-Star review if you can.  It really helps me out to make me more visible in the iTunes library and the more shows I do, the better I’ll get.  I’m still figuring this whole business out, so give me a hand and pass me around.  I’d love to even brag on you by name on the next episode!

If you want to help me out financially with the show so I can get better and grow, there are three ways you can donate:

Donate to me on our Venmo Account:  Brick Withouse

Or become a Patron on our Patreon Account

and if you’d like to make a one-time PayPal donation, there is a link on the top right side of the page just above all the places you can listen to me . . . or, there will be as soon as I finish making that widget.  lol.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million times, for listening and following me!

Please sign up at the BWH Forums and let’s have a chat!!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/10/episode-3-top-20-rules-for-online-gaming/

Oct 03 2017

Episode 2 – Ambien and Emails: A Public Service Announcement

Take at bedtime

When, exactly, did they think I was going to take it?

Learn what happens when you use and abuse this magical sleeping medication.  It’s funny while also being a tad bit scary at the same time.  If you’re lucky enough to get your hands on some, consider yourself special because the doctors are clutching this stuff like it’s some rare element. The Opticynicism Blogcast continues!



This is me telling the story that originally posted as my second entry ever on Opticynicism.  After you listen, go check out the original here!

Thank you for listening, guys and gals!  Please stop by iTunes and give me a 5-Star review if you can.  It really helps me out to make me more visible in the iTunes library and the more shows I do, the better I’ll get.  I’m still figuring this whole business out, so give me a hand and pass me around.  I’d love to even brag on you by name on the next episode!

If you want to help me out financially with the show so I can get better and grow, there are three ways you can donate:

Donate to me on our Venmo Account:  Brick Withouse

Or become a Patron on our Patreon Account

and if you’d like to make a one-time PayPal donation, there is a link on the top right side of the page just above all the places you can listen to me . . . or, there will be as soon as I finish making that widget.  lol.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million times, for listening and following me!

Please sign up at the BWH Forums and let’s have a chat!!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/10/ambien-and-emails-a-public-service-announcement-2/

Sep 28 2017

I’m Gonna Blow Up Your Email with Blogcast Goodness!

This is why I chose to write and speak rather than go into graphic design.

Tomorrow night I’m going to start recording the first couple of episodes turning this blog into a real live “spoken by the author” blogcast!

It’ll be like audio books but with an amateur and probably more profanity and nothing that has ever been published outside of the internet, soooooo

. . . it will be nothing like audio books.

Got a catchy tune for the intro/outro music and I’m ready to go.  Let me know what you think of the tune . . .

First posts will be up right here in this blog this weekend and hope to get iTunes, etc approval before Monday.

I’ll be putting them up as new posts, so you awesome subscribers will know each time I put one up!

Here we go!!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/09/im-gonna-blow-up-your-email-with-blogcast-goodness/

Sep 27 2017

Giving Opticynicism a Voice

By now a bunch of you have tuned in to my new podcast, Brick Wit House, and although we’re only 2 episodes in with the third one coming this weekend, so for it has been a whole bunch of fun and a really new experience that I knew I would enjoy, but didn’t know I was going to enjoy it this much.

Obviously, we need some work and there is a lot of room for improvement, but the only way we’re going to figure it out is to keep doing it and endure whatever criticism comes our way so that we can continue to improve and be the show that people want to listen to as soon as it comes out.

In that vein, I’ve felt like venturing out just a bit on my own and producing a show all by myself and I felt like the best way to do that would be to start with something that has already worked . . .

This blog!

I’m going to start by going back to day 1 of Opticynicism and start recording the most popular and well-received posts I’ve done, in my own voice and my own added commentary as I go.  While I will “read” the posts, you’ll actually get to hear them as they sounded in my head and get sidebars on what I was thinking at the time or didn’t add in order to keep the length shorter.

Fuck off.  I just heard all of you go, “That’s what you call SHORT you wordy bastard?!”

So yeah, I’m going to . . . not convert, because I’m going to continue to write my posts as I always have, but I’m also going to post an audio version to go along with it, and as my experience with it gets a little better, even a video version.  That way, you’ll have a choice to read my content the way you always have, or enjoy it as I actually hear it in my head as it makes its way to the page.

Like I said, I’m going to start off by recording some of my past posts, including the ones about my dad that you all seemed to enjoy so much and post them on my new Opticynicism Blogcast that I’ll release on all the avenues that Brick Wit House is on starting with iTunes.

We’re going to continue to do Brick Wit House, but working around our varying schedules makes getting the episodes recorded somewhat difficult with any kind of decent planning, so thus far, we’ve been sort of running off the cuff even though we attempted to have a topic last time.  We still wandered off as we tend to do, but all in all, I think Episode 2 came out pretty ok.

Like I said, we know we have a lot of room for improvement, and I think one of the ways I can work on that is to continue to work even on my own with some content that is already written.  In doing so, perhaps I can bring a little life back to Opticynicism as well by recycling some of the best material that drew the crowd to begin with.

Where I can, I’ll get the people involved in the posts to come in as guests if at all possible to even breathe some new life into the old posts.

I’m going to record the first couple posts/episodes between now and the weekend and look forward to having something you can enjoy as soon as this coming Monday!

Tell me what you think about the idea and tell me your favorite posts that you want to hear me tell you about on the podcasts.

The episodes will be considerably shorter than the hour-ish episodes we’re doing at BWH, but I’m going to make sure they are long enough to be worth the download and the entertainment you’ll get out of them because I’ll add a portion at the end of each podcast where I’ll go through the comments that were left.

It’s gonna be fun, ya’ll . . . and I’m looking forward to breathing some life back into this bad boy!!

Lemme hear from ya!!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/09/giving-opticynicism-a-voice/

Sep 14 2017

I have an OFFICIAL Parental Advisory!

Yep, we did it!  Episode 1 of Brick Wit House is up and on display for all the world to hear!  We got approved on iTunes on Sunday, Stitcher on Tuesday and today we went up on Google Play.  Everything is falling right in line and Leo and I are already discussing the topic for Episode 2.

Admittedly, Episode 1 is kind of all over the place and fairly disorganized, I think it came out ok being that we were just trying to get it done before Irma did whatever she was gonna do around here and we had a hell of a good time recording it, but we’ve promised ourselves to stick to just a subject or two with each episode.

As for Irma, I personally came out pretty damn lucky.  I spent Sunday night in a shelter and it was quite the experience which I’d love to tell you ALL about, but I don’t want to ruin Episode 2 of our podcast, because I’ll describe it in fine detail there.

The storm came through here late Sunday night/early Monday morning and I didn’t hear a thing.  Upon waking up Monday morning, things didn’t look too bad out there so I went on home to find no damage and still had electricity.  As I said, pretty damn lucky.

That’s not to say nothing happened.  Somehow or another they decided that we should go back to work on Tuesday, which meant I got to drive a truck around St. Petersburg to see what happened on the coastal side.  As of this writing (Thursday Night) there are still a lot of people without power out that way and a whole lot of traffic lights were out even up until today.  Of course, a lot of the stuff I took out to deliver ended up coming back because businesses without power tend to stay closed.

I’ve seen several large trees that were downed and a few fences blown to pieces, but by and large, not really as much as I would have expected to see.  I haven’t seen a lot of flooding at this point and honestly, St Pete looks REALLY good considering what we thought we were looking at on Friday.

I can’t speak for the further South areas of the state, but I know from people that I am friends with down that way that everyone seems to have come out alright in the Miami and Sarasota areas too.  Some are only just getting their power back, but they seem to be in otherwise pretty good shape.

The Keys and USVI on the other hand seem to have been absolutely destroyed, but I’m going to leave the damage reports for those areas to someone more qualified and informed than I.  My thoughts are with everyone down that way.

Moving forward, I’m looking forward to doing a lot more work on the podcast.  I want to keep using this blog as my personal outlet and make Brick Wit House be a separate entity.  I did add a box in the sidebar on the right ———–> where you can listen to the most recent episode of the podcast right from here, but I hope you all will come and subscribe at the podcast listening device of your choice and at the Brick Wit House website.

Most importantly, if you have iTunes, please, please, PLEASE come over there and give us a 5 star review . . . even if you don’t listen to it on iTunes, but you have an iTunes account, take a few minutes to come over there and give us a 5 star review and it will help us get more and more visible to attract more and more listeners.

Also, folllow us on Twitter @brickwithouse to get regular updates on what we are doing and what is coming up!  Follow us on our Facebook Page too!

On our next episode, we’re going to talk about the aftermath of Irma and then get into Social Anxiety and how it has effected both of us.  Subscribe and come join us!!

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/09/i-have-an-official-parental-advisory/

Sep 07 2017

I’m already tired of your shit, Irma!

There is nothing more annoying than preparing and planning and getting yourself all revved up for a new, maybe even life-changing adventure and having it completely screwed with by a new, maybe even life-changing catastrophic event.

This coming weekend was the intended release of our first podcast episode for Brick Wit House and Hurricane Irma is trying to . . . rain on my parade.

Sorry.

I’m sure by now most of you know I live in Florida.  Tampa to be precise and I’ve indicated my current location on the image above with a little purple dot.  (For those of you who have shitty monitors or are colorblind, it’s on the west side of the state, about halfway up.)

We may still record Episode 001 tomorrow (Friday) night.  We’re going to sit down and get our yap on in front of the mics tomorrow night.  Being the first episode and the general “off the cuff” approach we plan on taking with it, I’m sure there is going to be a large amount of editing that needs to be done to have it in any kind of shape to lay at iTunes feet for their approval.

Knowing that our little Irma Shitshow starts early Sunday morning in our part of the state, that may delay the release of the episode until well into next week or later.

Hell, we don’t even know if we’ll have power after Sunday, or for how long we’ll be without it.  Some areas of the state may be without power for months even, according to some predictions.

I’m going to stay here in Tampa although I’m not sure where yet.  There are three shelters within a couple of miles of me which may very well be where I end up.  Unless the storm slows down considerably between now and then, staying in the house I live in is not an option.

This storm is unquestionably dangerous and definitely of historical proportions, so while I will maintain my sense of humor about the situation as I am naturally inclined to do, by no means take that as an indication that I do not understand the scope and seriousness of the situation for everyone here in Florida and in particular those down in the Miami area that will take the full force of this storm right in the face.  I genuinely fear for what will be left behind in Miami on Monday morning.

For those of you that don’t live down here and are looking forward to hearing our premier, it’s coming and we are REALLY looking forward to recording it tomorrow night.  Hopefully, we’ll have an episode up that you can at least listen to from the website at www.brickwithouse.com even if it hasn’t cleared through the iTunes process yet.

Even with the delay, keep in mind that we are a bit preoccupied down here and I’ll probably have several posts written about the whole storm experience complete with pics in the next few weeks.

Follow us on Twitter @brickwithouse for regular updates about the storm and the episode.

Keep all of us in your thoughts this weekend as well as the people of Houston still trying to recover from Harvey.

(It just occurred to me that the only other time I have written about being in a hurricane, it was the same alphabetical storm 6 years ago . . . Hurricane Irene)

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/09/im-already-tired-of-your-shit-irma/

Aug 21 2017

The Transition is Complete. Time to Podcast!

The mayhem of the move is over and I’m settling in at the new place just great.  Really nice place and I’m here by myself almost ALL the time, which, as you all know, it exactly how I like it.

3 years at Liz’s place, almost exactly.  3 years and a month.  So many things happened over those 3 years and I struggled through some rough times in the middle of it, but at the end of the story, my life has changed and improved because of the help and friendship that Liz gave me during this time.  There is nothing I could do to repay the generosity Liz showed to me.  The things I have learned and gained as a result, quite literally, saved my life.

As all things eventually do, the need to move on to a new chapter of our lives came, and here I am, a resident of Valrico, Florida while Liz begins her new chapter as a Georgia resident, and The Boy . . . he’s out on his own now too.  He’s living near the USF campus along with Bella the dog.

True to form, we made sure to leave the neighborhood with a little bit of flare.  I never really got into telling you all about the problems we had with the Home Owners Association in that neighborhood, but suffice it to say, we exchanged several letters with them (right down to the DAY BEFORE Liz closed on the house and didn’t own it anymore!) and our passive/aggressive email responses didn’t take long to start including threats of lawyers.

One of the larger issues we had was with parking.  We had one spot in the driveway and one in the garage.  The problem we had was that for the better part of our time there, we had a minimum of three cars to park.  Near the beginning, there was a pass we could use to park our overflow cars in the visitor spots, but some clown decided they didn’t want to do that anymore and started threatening to tow . . . no wait . . . they didn’t threaten, they actually towed, and we had one shitty old dude in the neighborhood (coincidentally, the Treasurer of the HOA) who made it his calling in life to walk around the neighborhood and find cars that were “illegally” parked and get them towed, by one particular tow company nearby.

Anybody else smell a kickback scam going on?

The week before we moved out, I saw them tow a car out of an otherwise empty visitor parking lot.  It was the ONLY car there!

Over the last couple of years, we parked in driveways of homes that were empty and Liz had a friend down the street that was never there and she let us use her driveway.  We had even parked at the grocery store a mile away on many occasions.  Pretty sad considering we fucking LIVED there.

I, of course, did my part by creating interesting names for our Wifi network . . . because our shitbag old man was within range and could see it, and it entertained the shit out of our other neighbors.  I started off light and just called it “ImParkedInYourDriveway”.  This got a few chuckles, but by the time it was over, our most harsh and longest lasting network name was “FuckTheParkingNazi”.  That was the network we had right up until the day before the closing.

But, not wanting to insult all of our neighbors, and to let the ones that didn’t know who it was in on the joke, we posted a message to the neighborhood . . .

The sign lasted about a day, until, the HOA came and took it!  They didn’t knock on the door, they didn’t send an email, they didn’t do shit.  They just walked their ass up the driveway and took it!

Ok, so they did do something.  The next day they presented Liz with a notice that she was in violation for not having vertical blinds in her sliding glass doors.  It’s important to note here that in the 10+ years Liz has lived in this house, she has NEVER had vertical blinds in the sliding glass doors.

They also gave her one of these while she had her car parked in the visitors parking lot because there was a goddamn 28 foot moving truck parked in front of the house. . . .

Yep, that’s a tow warning.  Do you like how they even wrote on the warning that the car had Georgia tags while it was parked in the Florida visitors spot?  Yeah, I liked that too.

What’s also fun about the notice is that she had 48 hours to respond, and less than 24 hours after the notice was left on the car, the house had been closed on and she was no longer a “resident” or a “homeowner”  at all.

There’s your fucking response, HOA.  Go suck a fat one.

So all that fun is over, and I’m gonna go out on a limb and suggest that the HOA was not mentioned in great detail during the sale of the house to the new owner.

It is this experience that has convinced me that if I have any way around it, I will never again live in a neighborhood with an HOA.  The whole experience has proved them to be nothing more than a money grubbing scam that seems to forget who the home “owners” are.  They can go screw themselves.

I’ll cut my own goddamn grass.

Liz left the state for the last time on Saturday afternoon, and I was spending my first quiet weekend at the new place, with all the parking space I could ask for . . .

Now the new chapter begins, and for me, you know what that means because I’ve been talking about it quite a bit.

It’s time to PODCAST!!

I’ve got my room and my desk all put together and my little podcast “studio” has been assembled, hooked up, wired and tested and it is ready to go.

Leo and I have a plan.  We have been online testing the equipment and despite some glitches, we have figured it out pretty well.  There is still the issue of Leo’s part having to be done over Skype and the sound quality from his end is less than ideal, but I’m thinking a good microphone will be enough to bring his quality up.  At the moment he’s just using the built-in mic on his laptop and that wasn’t exactly designed to give a studio quality sound.

I’ve been learning the editing software and listening to some podcasts about podcasting and editing and ALL the things podcast during my long days in the truck.  I have learned a lot about the editing software and can find my way around it pretty well at this point, but I know I have only learned about 5% of what it can actually do and I’m really looking forward to learning more about it.

I’ve also been working on the website which is basically just a blog with shorter posts.  (Yeah, I can write short posts, don’t fuckin’ look at me like that!)  In addition to the site itself, I’ve also installed a forum where you can sign up and get involved in conversations with us and we can respond directly to you through the podcast.  We want to be as interactive as possible and really engage with the people who listen to us and I think the forum is going to be an excellent way to do that.  It can also serve as a “live chat” situation when we do broadcast a live feed.

If ya’ll are interested in listening to us and becoming a part of what we think is going to be a great and hilarious podcast, subscribe at the website to get regular updates as we approach our first episode and get the weekly show notes thereafter.

www.brickwithouse.com

Also sign up at the forum and join in on our conversations and tell us what you want us to talk about and what you think of the show.  There are only three members there right now and all three of them are Leo and I.  (Don’t try to do the math on that, you’ll just hurt yourself.)  Chances are excellent you can have whatever screen name you want to have there.  There is a link at the top of the website (Just click on the “BWH Forum”) or you can use the direct link here ——————-> BWH Forum

Of course, don’t forget to follow us on Twitter @brickwithouse and our Facebook page.

I think there is an Instagram too but I’m already forgetting what all social medias I have covered.  I’ll get it all ironed out soon.

Our intention right now is to have our first episode done, edited and ready to go live the weekend after labor day.  Once we have passed through the iTunes approval process, we’ll be announcing the release and diligently trying to get an episode out every week.

Finally, Leo and I tossed together a little promo this weekend if you’d like to get an idea of what you’ll be listening to (except with a better mic for Leo later on).  Click on the noise box below to check us out, and seriously, ya’ll, get involved and talk to us and let us know what you want to hear.  This is our show, but we really think that it is the listener that truly builds it and we can only do that with your input.  We’ll be posting our podcast on iTunes, SoundCloud and Stitcher for starters so that we cover all the formats and if you can think of anywhere else you’d like to see it, just let us know.

I’m really thrilled to be starting this new life chapter with everyone.  I think we’re gonna have a lot of fun!

This picture was taken while we recorded the promo, so just scroll down under Leo’s overexposed face and click on the media player to hear the promo.

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/08/the-transition-is-complete-time-to-podcast/

Jul 29 2017

The Podcast, The Move and The Comedy

[This was too long to be a caption for that picture:  Once again, this image has nothing to do with the post, but I took this pic from my truck the other day. I delivered an engine (for a Bentley) to the Bentley/Rolls Royce/McLaren dealership .  (Yeah, we fucking have one of those here) That is a Ferrari parked next to that McLaren. There is more money in that picture than I have earned in my entire life.  Also, the value on the Bentley engine listed on the invoice . . . $40,000.  That’s just the engine.]

As things have done SO many times since I started this blog just over 6 years ago, they are changing.  Sometimes things have become better, sometimes worse . . . a couple of relationships have come and gone, but in the end, I’m alive.  Sober and alive, which, in and of itself, is a victory.

The search for a new home continues.  It has been a difficult and disappointing search because “can’t afford shit” doesn’t look too good on an application and I’ve been to a couple of places where they were clearly out of their fucking mind.

I looked at a place this morning and as the person showing it to me was walking me into the neighborhood, she actually said, “Keep an open mind.”

As it turned out, it was a freakin’ RV.  A one bedroom RV, with zero room for furniture and a bed that God knows who has slept in . . . or whatever.  The price for this opportunity of a lifetime?  $235

A week.

A fucking week.

$940 a month to live, basically, in a big vehicle.

I should have just turned around when she told me to keep an open mind.

Another place I visited, I actually did leave before I even saw anything.  Upon my arrival, there was a woman in the office screaming about her repeated attempts to get somebody to do something about the RATS that were eating holes in her children’s clothes.

Yeah, Peace out, Bitches.

All hope is not lost, though.  I am going tomorrow to look at a ROOM for rent in a house shared with one other person.  Decent price, with access to washer/dryer, kitchen, large living room, nice big yard, screened in back porch . . . basically I get to live in a pretty decent house, I just have to put up with a roommate.  It’s about a mile from where I am right now, nice area, and my commute to work only changes by a mile.  Despite not being the ideal situation I was looking for, it is certainly the one I feel the best about.  It’s quiet and it is my understanding that the roommate isn’t there very much, and most importantly, it has internet included.

[Edit:  (Sunday afternoon) I went to see this place this morning and I took it, because it’s friggin’ PERFECT!  It’s a nice house, the room is pretty big, it’s very quiet and private there and most importantly, the roommate is an over-the-road trucker and is rarely there, so 90% of the time, I’ll have the whole damn house to myself anyway.  Also, no rats or mystery mattresses.  It has been a HUGE relief to me as I was stressing more and more as time was running out.  Thanks to all of you who sent your well wishes and thoughts!]

Which is important because . . .

The Podcast is very, VERY close to be a real live thing that happens all the time!!

Equipment has been gathered.  Ideas have been discussed.  There is a plan in full motion.

Most importantly, and the reason most of you are here at this point because I teased your asses on Facebook . . . the podcast has a name.

I asked for help from my friends, and they came up with some really good ones, but as they often do, great ideas come to me as I travel the roads of Saint Petersburg in my big ass truck, and it did.

When I got home, I searched the internet to see if it had been used as I felt like I couldn’t possibly have got lucky enough to have thought of something original.

No Podcast had ever had the name.

No former Podcast had ever had the name.

No website had the name.

No blog had the name.

Google search came up with  . . .

NOTHING!

So, I came to two conclusions.

  • I had come up with some seriously genius shit that nobody had ever thought of and this was a sign from the various Gods of your choosing of the upcoming new and groundbreaking shit that was about to happen, OR
  • I had come up with the lamest shit ever in recorded history that was, in fact, so lame that Google wouldn’t waste its time on it and would rather spend more time on stuff like “why does my penis do that thing now that I have put a tattoo on it”.

At that point, I took the Twitter handle, Instagram account, Facebook page, and yeah, you got it . . . the fucking DOMAIN and snatched it all up.  The domain now belongs to me, it is up and it has a page you can visit already.

JUST TELL US THE FUCKING NAME, ERIC!!

Ok, fine. . . .

I KNOW, RIGHT?!

See what I did there?

Thinking back on what symbolizes comedy for me, one recurring theme was the brick wall that comics so often stand in front of, an image brought to most of us by “An Evening at the Improv” and has been followed by many clubs since, so the “Brick” part made complete sense.  Since both Leo and myself are aspiring Stand-Up comics, and at the very least, just funny motherfuckers, this is where I see us.  (I’m jealous of his proximity to one of my favorite places on earth, Charlie Goodnight’s Comedy Club in Raleigh, NC . . . as I’m sure he probably wouldn’t mind having several instances of The Improv like I have here in Florida.)

The word “Brick” led me in a couple of directions, one of them being Pink Floyd, who are awesome, but not even a little bit funny.

Then “Brick Shit House” hit me . . . and do you know, between Leo and I, which one of us is built like a brick shit house?

NEITHER ONE OF US!

So the overflowing irony of our old, flabby asses being in this particular house was too much to ignore.

. . . and Brick Wit House was born.

I threw that image together yesterday, and I like it, but I may run into copyright issues with the background image, so if there is anyone that wants to volunteer their graphical services to come up with something less . . . illegal, I’d appreciate all the help I can get.  I believe I’ve already stated my “can’t afford shit” status, so voluntary is well within my budget.

Honestly, at this point, I think the image would be more accurate if it was a table with two boom mics, mixer and laptop with some headphones in front of a brick wall, but who am I to be picky.

[By the way, anyone willing to offer their services in this matter will, of course, get credit given on the website, twitter, instagram and live via the podcast . . . I will most certainly brag on your ass and bring you business if I can.]

Enough begging.

Just so you all know that I am capable of brevity when necessary, let me summarize my last 1000 words like this:

I may have a new place to live.

My podcast has a name and I like it.

Let me end on this . . . if you love me . . . and I KNOW you do . . . connect with the podcast on your social medias at the following:

Twitter:  @brickwithouse

Facebook:  Brick Wit House

Instagram:  brickwithouse

and the webpage:  www.brickwithouse.com

I can not WAIT to see where this goes!

One of my favorite things to do in the whole world is to entertain people and make them laugh.  Just having stuck by this blog for the last 6 years is proof enough because I have NEVER stuck by anything for 6 years with the attachment that I have to this blog and the people that read it.  If I could make people laugh for a living, then my dreams for the perfect life would come true.

I’m chasing that dream and I’m going to keep on chasing it.

Thank you to all of you that have followed along with me!

Dammit . . . I got something in my eye.

Comment, for Chrissakes!!

Peace

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/07/the-podcast-the-move-and-the-comedy/

Jul 21 2017

If You Fear Change, Try Embracing It . . . Around It’s Throat

Things, they are a-changin’!

Not really the way I expected, but they are.  I skipped a week making a post . . . or was it two?  I don’t know, I’m too lazy to look at the date on the last post to figure it out.  Lazy?  Tired?  I just don’t care?

Yeah, all of those.

Let me try to sum this up as quickly as I can.  (I just heard all of you call me a long-winded fuck, just relax.)

With all the changes over the past year or more, with Liz taking a job and moving to Georgia . . . and then taking another job . . .and staying in Georgia.  Anyway, that’s a long story and not mine to tell, but what it came down to is that Liz has been thinking about selling this house in Florida.  A completely understandable and fully expected decision that I knew would happen.  It only makes sense.  I’d been toying around with looking for a place of my own finally anyway and it just plain needed to happen.

Here is the twist to that . . . the next door neighbor put his house up for sale, and as it turns out, got a pretty good price for it, so Liz gave a Real Estate agent a call just to see what he thought she could get for it.  Long story short, it went down like this . . .

  • Real Estate agent said he knew somebody that wanted to move down here and could he show him the house
  • House was cleaned and prepped in a single weekend for the showing on that Monday
  • Dude liked the house and made an offer
  • Liz made a counter offer, and it was accepted
  • They want to close on Aug. 17

In summary, the house was prepped, shown, and sold within a few days . . . and NEVER went on the market.  At a profit.

Can’t really blame her for that now, can ya?

At any rate, I think we’re all in kind of a panic.  I’ve got to find a place that I can afford in less than a month, which isn’t easy, because I can’t afford much.  I’m just a dude that values his being alone all the fucking time, so I just need a studio or 1 bedroom place for like $500.  $600 tops.  They are around and they exist, unfortunately my credit score makes this a bigger hurdle than I would like.  I’ll need a cosigner OR I can get a trailer in a meth riddled trailer park with no credit check.  In hurricane country.

Now Liz is also trying to figure out how to live in Georgia and be down here to pack up 10+ years of her life and either distribute or sell much of the furniture she has here and have this place emptied in less than a month.  On top of that, she’s been helping me to find a place during the day because my job doesn’t allow me the time to look very much myself.  She almost hit the jackpot today but then the “landlord” (an AirBnB host) said it was just for a month because of family obligations.  (The damn place would have been PERFECT) There are complications with her job and a new relationship she’s been enjoying up in Georgia and all this went down so fast, it has been a whirlwind for all of us.

We all know we’ll get it figured out and work through it and all will be well and good in the end, but at this point we all wish we could just fast-forward to somewhere around October where we’ve come out the other side and we’re facing all new and improved stresses over completely unrelated shit.

Personally, it’s something I had been planning on anyway . . . getting my ass out on my own, taking care of my own shit.  As life sometimes does, it sorta got tired of me taking my time and said “Let’s DO this shit already!”

For Liz, it was something she was planning on doing as well and the same shit went down for her.

So, here we are.  For the next month, I’ll help Liz out helping her get stuff sold and moving things to storage or wherever (the new boss is much more pleasant about letting me use the truck for personal shit) and she’ll help me looking for a new place and stuff.  A month from now, the dust will settle and we’ll all be . . . .

some-fuckin-where.

For those of you asking what this means for my quest for stand-up comedy, it doesn’t mean anything except a slight delay in the chase.  It’s been 30 years since it first occurred to me that I wanted to do it, so I suppose another month isn’t going to ruin it any more than it already has been.  I’m still searching the open-mic nights and still writing stuff in my little notebook (although I didn’t have it with me today and I thought of some shit that had me laughing my ass off in the truck today and I completely forgot what it was now . . . it’ll come back to me) and I’m listening to a lot of comics and their podcasts along the way.  I’ve been searching open-mics here in town and as far away as Orlando, Ft Lauderdale, West Palm Beach and Miami.  (One thing I have learned from listening to how comics got where they are is, be prepared to drive . . . a LOT)  One podcast I’ve found in particular is called “The Comedian’s Comedian with Stuart Goldsmith” and he spends every episode interviewing comedians to find out their writing methods, techniques and how they get their ideas and it is an AMAZING resource.  The biggest problem with it at the moment is that I listen to it in the truck all day long and with the current situation I’m in, my mind is elsewhere and I have come to the end of full hour podcasts and realized that I didn’t hear a single friggin’ word of it because I’m all “dammit, where am I gonna find a place . . . there?  Maybe there?  Shit, I can’t afford that.”

All it means is that I just have to slow down a bit and focus.  Nobody became a comedian in a month, but people have found a place to live in that amount of time, so that’s what I gotta focus on now.

On that note, I’ve been thinking about starting a podcast myself, I’m just not sure where to go with it.  If any of you have an idea of what you might like to hear from me (and eventually see because they have all gone the way of YouTube as well), throw me some suggestions.  I’m sure you don’t want to hear me talk to myself for an hour (maybe you do, I don’t know.  My head gets fuckin’ weird sometimes), but I can think of a few people out there I would love to have a live chat with on a podcast because we have come up with some funny shit together (Hey LEO, you readin’ this?!)  I just need to come up with some kind of format.  All suggestions are welcome.

That’s my update, kids.  I look forward to hearing from you all.

Oh, and follow me on Twitter.  I’m trying to be more active there.  @eric_waechter  I’ll try to be funny.

I said “try”.

For those of you that know me and have followed me for the last few years . . . no, I don’t want to drink, and I am encouraged by that.

Why ruin chaos with insanity?

(That’s brilliant.  Consider that copyrighted immediately.)

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/07/if-you-fear-change-try-embracing-it-around-its-throat/

Jul 02 2017

This Post is Offensive

Not because I want it to be offensive, but because it will be . . . to somebody, somewhere.

How do I know that?

Because EVERYTHING offends somebody.

I’d like to thank BarbaraM for inspiring this post.  She was the first (and at this point, the only) person to comment on my last post.’

Understand, I have nothing against Barbara or anything she said.  She simply brought up a point for me that is very potent.  How a single word can inspire offense, anger, disdain and downright outrage.  I’m glad she has taken an interest in my posts and in my endeavor to be a stand up comedian, and being one of the very, VERY few people to weigh in on my quest, I look forward to her input.

But her last comment inspired this post, and for that, I thank her, because it is a very important topic, particularly in our current political and apparently sensitive society.

At what point did we start to make everything everyone said about us as individuals?

The example Barbara brought up was the difference between “Handicapped” and “Disabled”.

Let’s break that down.

A golfer has a “handicap” . . . it’s a recognition of something they are unable to do or have a difficult time achieving.  If they were “disabled”, it would indicate that they couldn’t do it at all.

We don’t have to agree on that, it’s simple fact.

So, in defining a parking spot, should the disabled be given precedence over the handicapped?

In the end, they are simply words.

One person may need a cane, another may need a wheelchair, and yet one more may forget where they fuck they are once they are three steps from the car.  Are they all not handicapped in some way?  Does this not display a disability in all examples?

At what point did we become offended by a WORD?

I have a serious problem with this.  Not because I’m afraid I’ll offend someone, but because someone will be offended by what I say.

WHO THE FUCK AM I??

I’m just a dude that said a word.

A WORD.

I didn’t drive a truck through a crowd.  I didn’t open fire on a crowd of people.  I didn’t fly a plane into an American icon and change history forever.

I said a word.

I’ve said “retarded”, but I still have compassion for those that truly are.  It wasn’t ever a derogatory comment against anyone that falls into that category, it’s simply a descriptive term.

I’ve said “cunt” . . . with various intents.  Some in direct insult and a few others which shall not be discussed but let’s just say it was fun for all involved.

The point is, I have no idea where this current state of “Oh my, I’m so offended” came from.

At what point did we stop letting shit “roll off our back”?

We have become a generation of absolute PUSSIES.

I’ve learned something very important in my exploration of the comedy world.  I’ve found what works and what makes the biggest names.

Your anger.

Look at the big names:

Bill Burr:  Screams at everyone, jokes are misogynistic, foul fucking language and “cunt” is his favorite word, but learn his background and he’s a goddamn sweetheart.

Louis CK:  Hates his life and his divorce and pretty much everything that ever happened ever . . . and you laugh at it, because he makes it funny and look at his website and buy his series and this man is actually an incredibly sensitive genius.

The thing these dudes have in common is that they give ZERO shits that you are offended.  They’re over it.

And they are successful.

Because there is a large portion of us that GIVE ZERO SHITS that people get offended, and I do NOT apologize that I am taking the exact same stance.

I’ll sum it up like this . . .

Sorry, not sorry.

My intent is not to offend, but if you are, the problem is YOURS, not mine.

I’m here to bring humor to your life, as well as mine.  I grew up with bullshit and judgement.  It designed my sense of humor and helped me survive to where I am now.  I grew up under alcoholism and narcissism and nothing I ever did was right.  I grew up being told that if I didn’t wear a tie and work for the man, that I was a piece of shit.

I’m over that.  I grew past that.  I’m proud of who I am and who I became DESPITE the bullshit I was told.  I have my issues and I have accepted them and I use them to grow, even as I enter my 50’s.

My childhood and my upbringing SUCKED, but I’m not blaming you or me for it.  I’m going to use it to entertain you and anyone else that wants to listen.

I’m a child of an alcoholic narcissist.  I’m also a recovering alcoholic.

So, I’m telling you now, I’m going to offend you.  Maybe not today.  Maybe not a year from now.

But I will.

Understand this . . .

It is never personal.

It is just me.

At the end of the day, that is really all we look for in entertainment.

Things that are not what we are.

Or things that are EXACTLY like we are.

 

Permanent link to this article: https://www.opticynicism.com/2017/07/this-post-is-offensive/