I love you assholes!!


I was just sitting here typing a post . . .and it’s good.  For now.  Give me time, I’ll screw it up, but it occurred to me that I have this amazing venue through which I can thank everybody for their birthday wishes yesterday, and share the fun too!

The fun thing about writing a humor blog is that when people send me wishes, the humor comes back, and you guys did, and you rock.  Most of all, you were just there, and you have no idea how much I appreciate it!  So, in no real order, here is what you guys sent me . . .and I share because it is awesome:

The winner of my first birthday wish came from Lizzi, because she sent me her wishes on UK time.  I have since promised to visit England someday and hug her so hard that she farts.


Then came Darren, also from the UK, and a HELL of a graphic artist and I’ve known this guy for like 14 years now but never met him in person.  Seriously, I met him like BEFORE MySpace.  He sent me this.  It’s a very good likeness.  Mostly because it is overly flattering.

10687444_10152888531004954_7886538976857220620_oDarren also said he put the right number of candles, so I counted them . . . . twice.  By my count, he missed one, but since it was in my favor, I’m letting it slide.

Then the Facebook and Twitter hits started to come in . . . and England got me again:


This was from @RavingPleb, and she posted it on Twitter and Facebook both to make sure I got it.  Jade, I thank you and love you, you gorgeous, blogger genius you!  She doesn’t know it until, well, right now, but when I get to England, I’m hugging a fart out of her too.

Then, of course, there was my brother . . .


. . .because that’s how we roll.  (Note: While that is in fact, a brother in that picture, that is not MY brother.)

My buddy Nick up in New York wished me the best with some 90’s awesomeness:


I tried to get him to do the Carlton dance in a video for me, but this is a man that his a picture of his bare ass on my forehead at a time I’d rather not discuss, so we’ll leave it at that.

Then arguably the best Facebook wish I got all day came from Stephanie.  No, not that Stephanie, the other one.


And since I don’t drink anymore, and even when I did I didn’t drink wine . . . the whole wine thing could have been removed, but I won’t complain.

Then came the stuff close to home.

As some of you know from yesterdays post, Liz bestowed upon me this little piece of awesome . . .


I will wear it forever on the same finger my wedding ring was on . . . to remind me.  It is awesome and shiny and I love it and Thank you!!!!!!

Then there were cards, yes, plural.

Because I got one from the dog . . .


Because that fucker was just waiting for me to get another penis cake.

Then that goddamn evil fucking cat . . .


And then finally, Liz was in cahoots with @RavingPleb . . .



Then the live performance of my day came with a trip to Clearwater Beach, when upon our arrival I was greeted with fireworks.  They claim they called in ahead to have them ready but I’m still not buying it.

IMG_0817I apologize for the blurry one but the camera kept trying to focus on the windshield.

Then they took me to eat at my favorite Tampa restaurant . . . and by favorite, I mean it’s the only one I have been to but it’s awesome so it’s my favorite, Frenchy’s.



Now, I have always been very careful about posting pics of people without their permission, and I stand by that, but Liz is actually in this picture.  (Hint, she is not the dude in the green shirt)

From there, we ordered enough appetizers for ten people, and the four of us ate them in a whirlwind and they were all awesome.  Crab dip, garlic crab fries, conch fritters and back again . . . then the main course, STONE CRAB for me!!  I don’t know what everyone else had because I was blinded by the haze of drawn butter as it splashed across my face and down my shirt.

The only thing I regret is not getting a video of the drunk guy dancing next to the band.  Because that is what “not getting laid” looks like.

To all of you . . . Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I will live another year just to do it again!

Facebook post of the MONTH:  Ordinarily I put something particularly funny here, but this was just too powerful to leave alone.  I have a dear friend in California that lost her sister to cancer about a month ago, and she recently posted this pic.  This is her mom, dad and sister holding her hand shortly before she passed.  Beyond that, I have no words . . .





A post to tell you I’m not posting

Because that’s just how I roll.  It’s my day of birthing and I’m being taken out to dinner in Clearwater, but fear not . . . the weekend antics of those I’m going out with will probably make the evening blogworthy.  Because that’s how they roll.

Also, I’m now cool like @jeffingoff because Liz got me this for my birthday . . .


So now I just gotta work on the forlorn look while I sip Notpumpkin Spice Latte.


That is all.

See ya’s this weekend!!

3 months later . . .

Way too tired tonight for a regular post and work has been moving ahead hard and fast and I’ve barely had time to sit down and catch my brain to make a reasonable post.  I will be doing that this weekend as I have a couple of great ideas in my head that need to materialize into posts.  I also need to sit down and comment all of your blogs as I’ve been neglecting that as well.  I’m just hyper-focusing on work right now and I need to take a breath.

However, I did want to stop in tonight and let everyone that has been following along know . . .

The Florida DMV gave me a birthday present!  I guess someone let them know that the 24th is my birthday, so today I got to come home with an actual fucking tag!  Yep, that’s right.  A bonaFIDE Florida resident.  Ya know, now that I have given them 37 different notarized forms, signatures from my entire family (that were entirely NOT forged ever in life, EVER) and about a weeks paycheck.  I got to home with real, metal, convict produced license tags.



Don’t get too excited yet.  My tag has regular numbers and letters on it just like the average Joe, but somewhere in the next 30 to 60 days my tag that reads exactly as shown above will arrive in the mail.  I figured for all the shit I went through to get the damn things, they were damn sure going to be personalized, so I did that paperwork while I was there too.



So happy birthday to me.

And this shows just how old I’m getting that THIS is what I’m excited about.

Oh well.  See ya’s this weekend!!